Here's why I'm anti-Gruden.

[Vfl83]

Pros and Cons about Gruden:

Pros:
1) Game planning is elite
2) Play Calling is elite
3) He's a master strategist

Cons:
1) Player development was bad when he was in Tampa. He was known for plucking game managers for his offense
2) QB developer is a myth. His project in Tampa, Bruce Gradkowski, was a complete failure.

2. Tell that to Rich Gannon and Brad Johnson

 

[VFL-82-JP]

Well, I'd like to provide a detailed and exhaustive response to the OP, but before I begin, I just have to say: if you have a short attention span, or just get bored of walls of text, this response may not be right for you. So if that's the case, feel free to pass right on by with a tl;dr. I won't fault you for it, not at all. See, I never even read the OP myself. It was just too long and rambling.

So with that said, here's why I think the OP is incorrect, even though I didn't read it. First, hooters! I mean, how can anyone not like a guy who is the spokesperson for a restaurant chain whose entire marketing strategy begins and ends with finding waitresses who are well endowed and attractive, dressing them in tight, low-cut t-shirts, and tight, short-short shorts, and have them serve beer and wings to guys watching football on television! And hey, what colors are those the girls are wearing? Oh yeah, orange and white. What are the chances that's just a coincidence? Zero, that's what! Chucky created the Hooters brand in 1902 with the Tennesee Volunteers (and nice-looking girls with big breasts) firmly in mind, right after he invented the chicken wing.

So he has that going for him. And the next thing he has going for him is his Super Bowl ring. I mean, think about this: who other than an awesome great and terrible master practitioner of the sport of football could get his team to the Super Bowl, leave that team, take over another team, and then beat the hell out of his old team with his new team? Huh? Who does that but a mad genius of the sport? Chucky does, that's who, and he is simply the cat's meow for that reason alone.

Then there's the question of him being a ginger. I've always thought he had blond hair, myself, but there are no end of people who say he should be counted among the red-heads of the world. Okay, say I, whatever you want, I'm not here to argue about hair color. So therefore, as a ginger, Jon is in the same league as Ginger from Gilligan's Island, and Bozo the Clown, and Lucille Ball...Prince Harry! Oh, and Jessica Rabbit, and the entire Weasly family. So, I mean, if you think about it, that is one heckuva lot of Awesome right there to be able to tap into.

Any list of Jon Gruden's great accomplishments and utter-complete suitability to serve as Tennessee's next head coach has to include his wife, Cindy. I mean, right? Cheerleader, duh. So how many of us actually got to marry the cheerleader? Half of you who just raised you hands, you're lying! Put em down! Yeah, okay, so look around; how many hands do you see raised? Right? Proof. Jon Gruden is just that attractive to, well, Cindy. And all of us.

Do you know where Jon Gruden lives today? Well, I do. He lives in Tampa. Tampa, Florida, which if you draw a line in the direction of excellence (which means straght up!, which on a map everyone knows straight up is North, yes North) if you draw a line straight up from Tampa, precisely due north, it runs right into...what's that? Yep! Neyland Stadium! Absolutely 100% due north of Jon Gruden's house in Tampa, Florida. It's the entire reason he lives there. Don't bother to check this on maps yourself, I've done it for you, and I would absolutely not make this up or lie to you the way Donald Trump is now claiming it's not really his voice on the "grab them by the p****" tape. You can't make this up, right?

Before I conclude my holistic appraisal of the merits of Jon "the Beast of Barbary" Gruden, I'd just like to tip my hat to both of you who read this far into this massive jumble of random words. It takes a special kind of crazy to follow along with crazy, and boy, you sure are nuts. My hat is off to you, though I'm not wearing a hat, I meant that to say that I respect you in a complete you are an utter goofball kind of way. So thanks for following along. I'd love to have a way for you to pay me some kind of tip for all these times I've had to mash a button on the keyboard, but I can't think of one short of paypal, and that's just too much damn work to set up.

So in conclusion, Jon Gruden. There it is. The man, the myth, the legend who appears on television every Monday night for the game we love called football. That's gotta qualify him for something, plus he's awesome. And if we do end up decidiing to hire him, and by we I really at this point mean Phil The Man Fulmer who has always had Tennessee's best interests at heart the man is a Hall of Fame legend and an ongoing irritant to Bama fans everywhere, if Phillip Fulmer selects Jon Gruden for president I mean for head coach of the Vols, you mark my words, we are going to the Super Bowl.

I don't know if this is long enough yet, so I'm just going to keep typing. Probably one more paragraph. I thought I was done in the last paragraph, that's why I made such a big deal of it and put in so many flourishes, but I'm worried it might not quite be long enough to counterbalance that pile of dog poo in the original post of the thread, so I'm adding this paragraph as well. This is the Jerry Seinfeld paragraph, I guess, because it's not really about anything, it's just here to be here, and, you know, take up space, and you know what helps take up space is commas, which is why I've used about twelve of them just in this once sentence,. Anyway, I think if I add any more to this paragraph it may be at risk of actually being about something, so I'm going to end it now.

And start this one. See, I figure if you're going to be sure of having your text be long enough, you really don't want to fall anywhere short of excellence. So why not more? Most of my fingertips are not bloody yet, though a few of them are getting really tender. You know what Jon Gruden says? Man up! At least, I think he probably said that somewhere in his life to this point, so I'm not going to let any sore fingertips slow me down, not too much, I mean honest confessions time I did go get a cup of coffee back there right after the Gingers paragraph, and that slowed me down a little, but for the most part I am still running just as strong and fast as I did at the beginning of this ... well, whatever this has become.

In final conclusion (and yes, I really mean it this time), I'd just like to say that I have nothing against DeusExMachina I'm sure he's a fine fellow, I mean he's from Joplin Missouri, which I've never actually been to or know anything about, but it rhymes with Janis Joplin, who was a pretty darn good singer before she killed herself. So I do appreciate DeusExMachina, and this diatribe is really as much a testament to him as it is anything else, but don't disrespect Jon M.F. Gruden or this is the hell you unleash.

 

[Burger]

2. Tell that to Rich Gannon and Brad Johnson

They were both already developed. Gruden was truly good at strategics and getting the most out of his QBs. He was bad at molding them from raw material.

 

[TruVolFann]

Popd in to see but didn't realize I had to read a story the length of Moby dick on a thread so I figured it said this:
Gruden Sucks
So to that I say:
Gruden Rules,Rock on VolNation!!! I'm Out
(Mic Dropped)

 

[MaTaLa]

Well, I'd like to provide a detailed and exhaustive response to the OP...... So I do appreciate DeusExMachina, and this diatribe is really as much a testament to him as it is anything else, but don't disrespect Jon M.F. Gruden or this is the hell you unleash.

 

[Vfl83]

They were both already developed. Gruden was truly good at strategics and getting the most out of his QBs. He was bad at molding them from raw material.

Gannon was horrible before Gruden got a hold of him. He transformed him into a Pro Bowl QB

 

[DeusExMachina]

Gannon was horrible before Gruden got a hold of him. He transformed him into a Pro Bowl QB

One season each of Rich Gannon and Brad Johnson playing out of their MINDS does not a good coach make. Period.

 

[ATLVols]

I didn’t see much reason to not hire him from your post. Nothing about his scheme or decision making...just mentioned his record after the Super Bowl. But I’ve heard numerous times that the Bucs ownership got really cheap after that year and began trading away most of the good players after buying a soccer team. He had to use a 7th round drafted scrub QB at the end of his career...and he went 9-7 in the NFL. Impressive.

The Bucs have ONLY 2 winning seasons since firing him.

He’s still an x and o guru. He’s the face of the NFL, unlike the coaches you mentioned with college rings. He would definitely have guys lining up to play here.

 

[AirVol]

That’s way too much to read but , Gruden is a zero chance to come here so is all good.

At least he used paragraphs.

 

[DeusExMachina]

I didn’t see much reason to not hire him from your post. Nothing about his scheme or decision making...just mentioned his record after the Super Bowl. But I’ve heard numerous times that the Bucs ownership got really cheap after that year and began trading away most of the good players after buying a soccer team. He had to use a 7th round drafted scrub QB at the end of his career...and he went 9-7 in the NFL. Impressive.

The Bucs have ONLY 2 winning seasons since firing him.

He’s still an x and o guru. He’s the face of the NFL, unlike the coaches you mentioned with college rings. He would definitely have guys lining up to play here.

Didn't seem to effect the defense NEARLY as much as it did the offense. One was able to put a top 10 overall unit on the field, the other never broke the top half in stats. He's in no way "an x and o guru".

 

[slydwz]

I’m anti Gruden because he ranks with:
1. The grassy knoll
2. The Loch Ness monster
3. Bigfoot

He’d make a great episode for Jesse Ventura’s show if it wasn’t canceled.

 

[Exiled]

Well, I'd like to provide a detailed and exhaustive response to the OP, but before I begin, I just have to say: if you have a short attention span, or just get bored of walls of text, this response may not be right for you. So if that's the case, feel free to pass right on by with a tl;dr. I won't fault you for it, not at all. See, I never even read the OP myself. It was just too long and rambling.

So with that said, here's why I think the OP is incorrect, even though I didn't read it. First, hooters! I mean, how can anyone not like a guy who is the spokesperson for a restaurant chain whose entire marketing strategy begins and ends with finding waitresses who are well endowed and attractive, dressing them in tight, low-cut t-shirts, and tight, short-short shorts, and have them serve beer and wings to guys watching football on television! And hey, what colors are those the girls are wearing? Oh yeah, orange and white. What are the chances that's just a coincidence? Zero, that's what! Chucky created the Hooters brand in 1902 with the Tennesee Volunteers (and nice-looking girls with big breasts) firmly in mind, right after he invented the chicken wing.

So he has that going for him. And the next thing he has going for him is his Super Bowl ring. I mean, think about this: who other than an awesome great and terrible master practitioner of the sport of football could get his team to the Super Bowl, leave that team, take over another team, and then beat the hell out of his old team with his new team? Huh? Who does that but a mad genius of the sport? Chucky does, that's who, and he is simply the cat's meow for that reason alone.

Then there's the question of him being a ginger. I've always thought he had blond hair, myself, but there are no end of people who say he should be counted among the red-heads of the world. Okay, say I, whatever you want, I'm not here to argue about hair color. So therefore, as a ginger, Jon is in the same league as Ginger from Gilligan's Island, and Bozo the Clown, and Lucille Ball...Prince Harry! Oh, and Jessica Rabbit, and the entire Weasly family. So, I mean, if you think about it, that is one heckuva lot of Awesome right there to be able to tap into.

Any list of Jon Gruden's great accomplishments and utter-complete suitability to serve as Tennessee's next head coach has to include his wife, Cindy. I mean, right? Cheerleader, duh. So how many of us actually got to marry the cheerleader? Half of you who just raised you hands, you're lying! Put em down! Yeah, okay, so look around; how many hands do you see raised? Right? Proof. Jon Gruden is just that attractive to, well, Cindy. And all of us.

Do you know where Jon Gruden lives today? Well, I do. He lives in Tampa. Tampa, Florida, which if you draw a line in the direction of excellence (which means straght up!, which on a map everyone knows straight up is North, yes North) if you draw a line straight up from Tampa, precisely due north, it runs right into...what's that? Yep! Neyland Stadium! Absolutely 100% due north of Jon Gruden's house in Tampa, Florida. It's the entire reason he lives there. Don't bother to check this on maps yourself, I've done it for you, and I would absolutely not make this up or lie to you the way Donald Trump is now claiming it's not really his voice on the "grab them by the p****" tape. You can't make this up, right?

Before I conclude my holistic appraisal of the merits of Jon "the Beast of Barbary" Gruden, I'd just like to tip my hat to both of you who read this far into this massive jumble of random words. It takes a special kind of crazy to follow along with crazy, and boy, you sure are nuts. My hat is off to you, though I'm not wearing a hat, I meant that to say that I respect you in a complete you are an utter goofball kind of way. So thanks for following along. I'd love to have a way for you to pay me some kind of tip for all these times I've had to mash a button on the keyboard, but I can't think of one short of paypal, and that's just too much damn work to set up.

So in conclusion, Jon Gruden. There it is. The man, the myth, the legend who appears on television every Monday night for the game we love called football. That's gotta qualify him for something, plus he's awesome. And if we do end up decidiing to hire him, and by we I really at this point mean Phil The Man Fulmer who has always had Tennessee's best interests at heart the man is a Hall of Fame legend and an ongoing irritant to Bama fans everywhere, if Phillip Fulmer selects Jon Gruden for president I mean for head coach of the Vols, you mark my words, we are going to the Super Bowl.

I don't know if this is long enough yet, so I'm just going to keep typing. Probably one more paragraph. I thought I was done in the last paragraph, that's why I made such a big deal of it and put in so many flourishes, but I'm worried it might not quite be long enough to counterbalance that pile of dog poo in the original post of the thread, so I'm adding this paragraph as well. This is the Jerry Seinfeld paragraph, I guess, because it's not really about anything, it's just here to be here, and, you know, take up space, and you know what helps take up space is commas, which is why I've used about twelve of them just in this once sentence,. Anyway, I think if I add any more to this paragraph it may be at risk of actually being about something, so I'm going to end it now.

And start this one. See, I figure if you're going to be sure of having your text be long enough, you really don't want to fall anywhere short of excellence. So why not more? Most of my fingertips are not bloody yet, though a few of them are getting really tender. You know what Jon Gruden says? Man up! At least, I think he probably said that somewhere in his life to this point, so I'm not going to let any sore fingertips slow me down, not too much, I mean honest confessions time I did go get a cup of coffee back there right after the Gingers paragraph, and that slowed me down a little, but for the most part I am still running just as strong and fast as I did at the beginning of this ... well, whatever this has become.

In final conclusion (and yes, I really mean it this time), I'd just like to say that I have nothing against DeusExMachina I'm sure he's a fine fellow, I mean he's from Joplin Missouri, which I've never actually been to or know anything about, but it rhymes with Janis Joplin, who was a pretty darn good singer before she killed herself. So I do appreciate DeusExMachina, and this diatribe is really as much a testament to him as it is anything else, but don't disrespect Jon M.F. Gruden or this is the hell you unleash.

I find your argument for Gruden as well thought out and put together as anyone's that I've read against him. Excellent job! lol:

 

[DaddyChad]

I gave you a like OP for writing that much analysis on something that's never going to happen.

I can sympathize. I wrote an essay once on why I'm not going to impregnate Alexandra Daddario.

 

[BIGORANGEFISH]

Pros and Cons about Gruden:

Pros:
1) Game planning is elite
2) Play Calling is elite
3) He's a master strategist

Cons:
1) Player development was bad when he was in Tampa. He was known for plucking game managers for his offense
2) QB developer is a myth. His project in Tampa, Bruce Gradkowski, was a complete failure.

Gradkowski? Mike Holmgren wouldn't have been able to elevate Grad's game. Not much talent to begin with. He was a 6th round pick from Teledo that McKay wanted to take a chance on as a project.

 

[volfeeva]

You posted your opinion. Others are posting their opinions about yours. What more do you want?

Gruden is a 100% unknown enigma. He could come to the college level and be the next Nick Saban. But he could just as easily be the next Derek Dooley. We will likely never know.

Remember Gruden was #1 cheerleader for Johnny Manziel being a slam-dunk #1 draft pick. Just koo-koo over over one of the biggest bust in quarterback picks,so he has that to hang his hat on.

 

[volfeeva]

Glad he is not coming here. Gruden lovers are deranged. He would be just another Schiano hire. He sucked at coaching.Just look at his record. Uh oh, I believe I just upset the lil Gruden for lifers club.

Thats what is so amazing to me is how this guy became such an icon when nothing in his record suggests greatness. He's become this mystical super star whose prowess grows more and more via fan forums like this one.I contribute it to fans being delusional and not able to face reality.

 

[Ez_Vol]

Thats what is so amazing to me is how this guy became such an icon when nothing in his record suggests greatness. He's become this mystical super star whose prowess grows more and more via fan forums like this one.I contribute it to fans being delusional and not able to face reality.

Haha these Alabama fans logging in as Vols is hilarious 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

 

[ice]

He is having fun playing TN fans. He has no intentions of coaching at UT.
If he was not playing games for ego and publicity he would make a public statement, "I have no plans to coach college football", and be done with it.

 

[UTP69]

Gruden's name has been on here endlessly. Isn'tt time to get over it? Doesn't seem that the guy has no interest in the Vols? IMHO the Grudenites have dreamed in vain from the get go. Of course, I could be wrong as my wife often reminds me. So, who is in REALITY the man?

 

[Red Forman]

Great, another Gruden thread.

 

[boomvol]

Wow if only there was a thread to discuss Jon Gruden...

 

[508mikey]

For a Second I thought ESPN laid him off

 

[m1al]

Why does it bother you so much that people having fun, in the Gruden thread.....

 

[avolation]

Whew. For a second there I thought you were gonna say he passed away.



Bring on the Grude!



Soon.

 

[Manning Up]

The ones that dream of Gruden coming to UT are the same losers that fantasized about bedding down the homecoming queen but only ending up with a sticky wrist.