Anyone up for a laugh?

#26
#26
VOLnMiami said:
I believe this is a joke thread, not the "How is your life going thread"..I feel like I'm reading an episode of Leave it to Beaver :ermm:
Click to expand...

Yea, this is a JOKE thread. Not a hey lets go to a friggin horse race. PM each other!~
 
#29
#29
wow...the jokes in this thread are either terrible or old...

but then you have a gator fan talking about his life...so that's a joke within itself.
 
#31
#31
With credit to Volfanbill:
One foggy night a UT fan was heading south and a Bama fan was driving north. While crossing a narrow bridge they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.
The Vols fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive."
Likewise, the Tide fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too, feeling fortunate to have survived. The Tide fan walks over to the Vols fan and says, "hey man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."
The Vols fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absoulutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."
The Vols fan then pops open the trunk of his car and removes a full undamaged bottle of Jack Daniels. He says to the Bama fan, "I think this is another sign that we should toast to our new found friendship."
The Bama fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Bama fan hands the bottle back to the Vols fan and says, "Your turn."
The Vols fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle and throws the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."
 
#33
#33
rbroyles said:
With credit to Volfanbill:
One foggy night a UT fan was heading south and a Bama fan was driving north. While crossing a narrow bridge they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.
The Vols fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive."
Likewise, the Tide fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too, feeling fortunate to have survived. The Tide fan walks over to the Vols fan and says, "hey man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."
The Vols fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absoulutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."
The Vols fan then pops open the trunk of his car and removes a full undamaged bottle of Jack Daniels. He says to the Bama fan, "I think this is another sign that we should toast to our new found friendship."
The Bama fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Bama fan hands the bottle back to the Vols fan and says, "Your turn."
The Vols fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle and throws the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."
Click to expand...

:eek:lol:
 
#34
#34
rbroyles said:
With credit to Volfanbill:
One foggy night a UT fan was heading south and a Bama fan was driving north. While crossing a narrow bridge they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.
The Vols fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive."
Likewise, the Tide fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too, feeling fortunate to have survived. The Tide fan walks over to the Vols fan and says, "hey man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."
The Vols fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absoulutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."
The Vols fan then pops open the trunk of his car and removes a full undamaged bottle of Jack Daniels. He says to the Bama fan, "I think this is another sign that we should toast to our new found friendship."
The Bama fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Bama fan hands the bottle back to the Vols fan and says, "Your turn."
The Vols fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle and throws the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."
Click to expand...

Have seen this as a woman v man joke as well. nonetheless, still funny.
 
#42
#42
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
 
#43
#43
jcolli30 said:
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
Click to expand...

:eek:lol:

That must of been a really good friend
 
#46
#46
This one is borderline inappropriate, but here it goes:

How does a guy know he has a high sperm count?


The girl has to chew before she swallows.
 
#47
#47
I once had a friend that started work for a fish bait and tackle company. His job was putting together the bait and lures. He was doing such a good job that he was promoted in 6 months as an official certified master baiter. :wink2:
 
#48
#48
An Amish farmer, walking through his field, notices a man kneeling down
and cupping a hand to drink from the farm pond.

The Amish farmer shouts, "Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen."
(Which means: "Don't drink the water, the cows **** in it".)

The kneeling man shouts back, angrily, "I'm from Alabama, I don't understand your damn gibberish.
I speak English. Speak to me in English."

The Amish farmer replies, "Use two hands, you'll get more.
 
#49
#49
A penquin from Alabama (gotta keep with the thread) had trouble with the transmission in his car and stopped at a garage. While they were looking at the car, he walked outside and noticed an ice cream parlor accross the street. He went over and had some vanilla ice cream, but since he had no hands, he got the ice cream all over his beak and dripped it down his chest. He went back to the garage and the mechanic says "looks like you blew a seal". The penquin says "no I've been eating ice cream."
 
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