The Joke Thread

#1
lawgator1

lawgator1

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Aug 8, 2005
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#1
Post 'em if you got 'em. And review others' (and give credit where credit is due if the joke is from someone famous who might come after you for stealing it.)

Saw the Steven Wright show this past Friday, this gem was told early on:

I wish that when I was a baby the first word I ever said was "quote." Then, just before I die, I would say "unquote."
 
#2
#2
I can't take credit for this gem:

Well, its been three years or so and 11,000 posts. I'm going to go ahead and call it a day here.I've enjoyed it and even met a couple of you in person, all nice folks. I've learned a lot about UT tradition and gotten some good insights from Vols fans on football and other sports. Enjoyed the banter back and forth and discussion of things unrelated to athletics or even to our respective universities.I've not been to UT. Been to Vandy and even to MTSU, but never to Knoxville. If I get the chance when up that way, I think I'll take a look around.The Volnation is a great venue and the folks that run it should be proud. Thanks for letting me a part of it for so long
 
#3
#3
utvol0427 said:
I can't take credit for this gem:

Well, its been three years or so and 11,000 posts. I'm going to go ahead and call it a day here.I've enjoyed it and even met a couple of you in person, all nice folks. I've learned a lot about UT tradition and gotten some good insights from Vols fans on football and other sports. Enjoyed the banter back and forth and discussion of things unrelated to athletics or even to our respective universities.I've not been to UT. Been to Vandy and even to MTSU, but never to Knoxville. If I get the chance when up that way, I think I'll take a look around.The Volnation is a great venue and the folks that run it should be proud. Thanks for letting me a part of it for so long
Click to expand...

:ermm:
 
#5
#5
Top 20 'Funny' SMS Text Messages


The longest sentence known to man: "I do."
I only use deodorant under one arm, so I know what I would have smelled like.
Crime doesn't pay... Does that mean my job is a crime?
This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.
Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.
What's the quietest place in the world? The complaint department at the parachute packing plant.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $4.95 a minute.
Pleas turn your mobile phone upside down now! Hurry 370HSSV 0773H
Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
Never forget that you're unique, just like everyone else.
I heard you took an IQ test and they said you're results were negative.
What do u call dog with no legs? Don't matter wot u call him, he ain't gonna come.
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
Born Free... Taxed to Death.
We will now upgrade your brain, please wait... searching... searching... still searching... sorry NO BRAIN found.
 
#6
#6
utvol0427 said:
I can't take credit for this gem:

Well, its been three years or so and 11,000 posts. I'm going to go ahead and call it a day here.I've enjoyed it and even met a couple of you in person, all nice folks. I've learned a lot about UT tradition and gotten some good insights from Vols fans on football and other sports. Enjoyed the banter back and forth and discussion of things unrelated to athletics or even to our respective universities.I've not been to UT. Been to Vandy and even to MTSU, but never to Knoxville. If I get the chance when up that way, I think I'll take a look around.The Volnation is a great venue and the folks that run it should be proud. Thanks for letting me a part of it for so long
Click to expand...
:eek:lol::eek:lol::eek:lol::clapping:
 
#7
#7
utvol0427 said:
I can't take credit for this gem:

Well, its been three years or so and 11,000 posts. I'm going to go ahead and call it a day here.I've enjoyed it and even met a couple of you in person, all nice folks. I've learned a lot about UT tradition and gotten some good insights from Vols fans on football and other sports. Enjoyed the banter back and forth and discussion of things unrelated to athletics or even to our respective universities.I've not been to UT. Been to Vandy and even to MTSU, but never to Knoxville. If I get the chance when up that way, I think I'll take a look around.The Volnation is a great venue and the folks that run it should be proud. Thanks for letting me a part of it for so long
Click to expand...

hahahahah!!!! :eek:lol::eek:lol:
 
#8
#8
One of the first threads I have ever seen with more female posters than male... :question:
 
#18
#18
Poor poor jort wearing Lawgator...you guys know how sensitive Florida Gators are...you might make him cry.
 
#21
#21
Former Notre Dame football coach was hired by the KC Chiefs. He's really gonna be pissed when he finds out there is no F between the K and the C.
 
#22
#22
Two prostitutes are walking down the street.

The first one says to the other:

"Do you smoke after sex?"

The other replies:

"I dont know!! I've never looked"
 
#23
#23
Two dogs are chasing a third one for hours. They go through woods, up and down mountains, through briar patches, without stopping. They have to stop on a big rock to rest with their footpads cut and bleeding, their tongues dragging the ground. One says to the other, huhahhuhahhuh, damned she's a b**ch! The other replies, huhahhuhahhuh, damned she better be!
 
#25
#25
"my wife walked in and scared me half do death, i told her this, so looks at me and says, let me walk in again,,,, i get no respect"
The Late Great Rodney Dangerfield
 
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