Who in here married a woman or knows someone who married a woman who’s sole purpose was to have a child and never work again?

walkenvol

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It ain't the 1950s anymore. If you want your kid to have a nice life, in most cases both parents need to be working. Knowing this though, that's a main issue with this country still. 40 hour work weeks were made around the 1950s style where just the man would usually hold onto a job while the woman took care of the kids/house. Now with both working 40 hour work weeks, and having kids and a house to look after, it's too much on people. Either wages have to go up for stay at home moms to be stay at home moms legitimately, or full time pay needs to be more like 24 hour work weeks.
My wife was at home mid 80’s to mid 90’s and it was a good time. I didn’t make a 2 income type of salary but we made it work. No cell phones, no catv, very little eating out, no car payments, etc. most folks won’t live without those things today
 

Wireless1

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My wife was at home mid 80’s to mid 90’s and it was a good time. I didn’t make a 2 income type of salary but we made it work. No cell phones, no catv, very little eating out, no car payments, etc. most folks won’t live without those things today
I had an appraiser come into my home once, saw each child had a bedroom with TV, etc.... he said when he grew up he shared a room with three brothers in an 800 sqft house, couldn't wait to move out.....his parents had the right idea.
 

Firebirdparts

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It’s hard to relate. All our grandparents or great grandparents grew up in families of 6 kids or more in a house with 4 big rooms, no central heat, no electricity, no plumbing. People had a lot of class living like that. Look at street scenes from 1910. Better looking people than we are today, but smaller. FWIW.
 

n_huffhines

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It’s hard to relate. All our grandparents or great grandparents grew up in families of 6 kids or more in a house with 4 big rooms, no central heat, no electricity, no plumbing. People had a lot of class living like that. Look at street scenes from 1910. Better looking people than we are today, but smaller. FWIW.
Even the fat people weren't fat
 

Rasputin_Vol

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He's going to be miserable AND teach his children that marriage sucks if he doesn't leave.

That's the rub. The kids are learning from the resentment, bickering, and coldness of their parent's bad marriage that marriage is dysfunctional.

If you love your kids, either fix your marriage so it functions and demonstrates a healthy model for them or get out of it. You'll only screw them up if they are raised to believe marriages are as bad as your lousy one.
You need two people to make a marriage work. One person can want to fix it while the other doesn't.
 
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SayUWantAreVOLution

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You need two people to make a marriage work. One person can want to fix it while the other doesn't.
Yep. And the ones who suffer are the kids in this.

I'm not a "divorce at the drop of a hat" guy but the primary concern should be that you don't raise kids in a dysfunctional family. If the marriage can't be made workable and the parents are resentful, hurtful, and disrespectful to each other, the kids will internalize that as "normal for a marriage."

Most of parenting is in your example when you don't think the kids notice. MANY of us find ourselves "becoming our parents" in many ways. I wouldn't want my kids to emulate me if I hated or just tolerated my wife.
 
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Wireless1

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Yep. And the ones who suffer are the kids in this.

I'm not a "divorce at the drop of a hat" guy but the primary concern should be that you don't raise kids in a dysfunctional family. If the marriage can't be made workable and the parents are resentful, hurtful, and disrespectful to each other, the kids will internalize that as "normal for a marriage."

Most of parenting is in your example when you don't think the kids notice. MANY of us find ourselves "becoming our parents" in many ways. I wouldn't want my kids to emulate me if I hated or just tolerated my wife.
Unfortunately divorce rarely eliminates this, the children just get “one on one” time from each parent to skew the child’s opinion of the other….and then you have step parents join the fray
 

SayUWantAreVOLution

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Unfortunately divorce rarely eliminates this, the children just get “one on one” time from each parent to skew the child’s opinion of the other….and then you have step parents join the fray
That's a character issue that they should address.

You don't love your child if you are running down someone they love with all their heart.

People shouldn't have kids if they can't behave like adults themselves. NOTHING you do in life is more important than not harming your kids. NOTHING.
 

Rasputin_Vol

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Yep. And the ones who suffer are the kids in this.

I'm not a "divorce at the drop of a hat" guy but the primary concern should be that you don't raise kids in a dysfunctional family. If the marriage can't be made workable and the parents are resentful, hurtful, and disrespectful to each other, the kids will internalize that as "normal for a marriage."

Most of parenting is in your example when you don't think the kids notice. MANY of us find ourselves "becoming our parents" in many ways. I wouldn't want my kids to emulate me if I hated or just tolerated my wife.
The alternative isn't much better. Divorce and then watch as the courts give the kids to one parent (usually the mother) and allows her to alienate the other parent and emasculate him as he falls into financial ruin.

What kind of impression do you think that will leave on the kids? Seeing their father in financial ruins and having their mom tell them all kinds of negative things about their father?
 

Rasputin_Vol

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That's a character issue that they should address.

You don't love your child if you are running down someone they love with all their heart.

People shouldn't have kids if they can't behave like adults themselves. NOTHING you do in life is more important than not harming your kids. NOTHING.
You're talking the truth, but you don't have a firm grip on reality. It is a very cold world out here for divorced fathers... divorced men, in general.
 
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SayUWantAreVOLution

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The alternative isn't much better. Divorce and then watch as the courts give the kids to one parent (usually the mother) and allows her to alienate the other parent and emasculate him as he falls into financial ruin.

What kind of impression do you think that will leave on the kids? Seeing their father in financial ruins and having their mom tell them all kinds of negative things about their father?
Not to be an armchair psychologist but you seem to want to demonize women. I'll just leave it there.

If a woman has issues, she needs to address them for the good of her kids too. Jealousy, vindictiveness, etc aren't traits someone who loves their kids passes on as normal to the kids.

Again, don't have kids if you aren't a decent human yourself.

Raising kids well is hard and not everyone should do it because they lack the skills and understanding AND it's vital that it's done correctly for society to function well.

Building highway overpasses is hard and not everyone should do it because they lack the skills and understanding AND it's vital that it's done correctly for society to function well.

As usual, humans are selfish as hell and think they "have a right" to kids. They do but that doesn't mean it is right for them to have them.
 

Firebirdparts

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It’s easy to look down on others and say they should just behave differently, but in practice I found that my wife really just couldn’t do it. Faced with glaring issues about what she was doing to her own life, it has still taken her 30 or 40 years to gradually question herself. It’s just not that easy, and if you expect to self-identify as somebody who can’t behave like an adult, I don’t think that would ever work. My wife has a very high IQ but she couldn’t do it.

We learned a lot about what marriage counselors could and couldn’t do. I came around to believing what John Gottman wrote. Without any effort on my part I think his view is good enough for me. Google it. I refused to treat her with contempt and we just never divorced. After 30 years she decided I wasn’t so bad.
 
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IluvdoubleD's

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If you pull off a successful marriage (I'm 20 yrs in so I'm not sure if I can call that successful or not) but the point is you will fall into terrible times. Life modulates. It dies and then rises like a phoenix. A marriage is about surviving the hard times. That's why you do it. Immediate gratification does not last.
 

05_never_again

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It’s hard to relate. All our grandparents or great grandparents grew up in families of 6 kids or more in a house with 4 big rooms, no central heat, no electricity, no plumbing. People had a lot of class living like that. Look at street scenes from 1910. Better looking people than we are today, but smaller. FWIW.
One of the most fascinating stats is the size of the average house vs. the size of the average family since the 50s and 60s. I can't recite them off hand, but the size of the average house has exploded while the size of the average family has shrunk slightly. Different priorities.
 

IluvdoubleD's

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I've lived in a lot of houses because I was raised by military. The older homes are way, way bigger. I currently live in a 1935 home that is 2800 feet. When I went to highschool I was in a 3600 foot house. The whole attic was mine. Smart as I could not sneak out from the attic. Older homes are much bigger.
 

05_never_again

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I've lived in a lot of houses because I was raised by military. The older homes are way, way bigger. I currently live in a 1935 home that is 2800 feet. When I went to highschool I was in a 3600 foot house. The whole attic was mine. Smart as I could not sneak out from the attic. Older homes are much bigger.
The older homes that you have lived in are much bigger. That 2800 square foot house you live in was gigantic in 1935.

Here's the data...the average square footage of a house in 1973 (furthest back the data goes) was 1660. Today, it's 2301 and was as high as 2687 in 2015. This is despite the average household size falling from 3.5 to 2.5 over the same period. Pretty amazing.

What Is The Average Square Footage Of A House?
 
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YankeeVol

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I've lived in a lot of houses because I was raised by military. The older homes are way, way bigger. I currently live in a 1935 home that is 2800 feet. When I went to highschool I was in a 3600 foot house. The whole attic was mine. Smart as I could not sneak out from the attic. Older homes are much bigger.
I don't think that's right....

In 1973, the earliest year for which U.S. Census data is currently available, the average square footage of a house in the U.S. was 1,660.

By 2015, the average square footage of a home increased to a whopping 2,687 square feet.
 

Wireless1

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The older homes that you have lived in are much bigger. That 2800 square foot house you live in was gigantic in 1935.

Here's the data...the average square footage of a house in 1973 (furthest back the data goes) was 1660. Today, it's 2301 and was as high as 2687 in 2015. This is despite the average household size falling from 3.5 to 2.5 over the same period. Pretty amazing.

What Is The Average Square Footage Of A House?
Is that the square footage of new builds or all? To drop the average of all homes 380 square feet you'd have to build a boat load of tiny houses to drop the total US average.
 

Rasputin_Vol

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Not to be an armchair psychologist but you seem to want to demonize women. I'll just leave it there.
No, I'm just a realist and know that women are not always sugar and spice and everything nice. It is clear to anyone that pays attention that men have been getting a raw deal in divorce and family courts and the women are fully aware of the leverage they have.
 

Toujours Pret

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A friend of mines wife got knocked up as soon as she could. We all saw it coming. She convinced him it’s best to be a stay at home mother even though he struggled with making ends meet. She promised him as soon as the kid could go to school she’d get a job. Well several years later she hasn’t got a job. He started to talk about Separation and Bam!!! She’s pregnant again. She just delayed going back to work to help. Here’s a word of advice. If your wife says she’ll get a job after she has your child and never goes back to work and uses the excuse of “who’s going to take care of the house?!?” Leave her. The kid is in school for 8 hours a day!!! Wtf could she possible doing!!!??? She’s a bum. Anyone else know someone like this?!?
Saving your marriage by having another kid seems like a fool proof option. /blue font
 

RDU VOL#14

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same.



Welcome to marriage. It's a commitment and a job. That's why ya'll can't stay married. You thought it was Disney... until you saw what Disney was. Stop getting married because you got laid, and learn to leave women the f alone. They will ruin you. When you bump into one that doesn't ruin you, then you can takes things a little farther. I am so freaking blessed to be born before the intergoogle, and the virtual world you kids live in.
Dude you really hate Disney. A lot.
 

volfan_28

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He sounds like someone who stayed on mommy’s tit too long. If his wife wants to stay home with the kids he needs to figure out how to make enough money for her to comfortably stay home with the kids.
 

Rasputin_Vol

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He sounds like someone who stayed on mommy’s tit too long. If his wife wants to stay home with the kids he needs to figure out how to make enough money for her to comfortably stay home with the kids.
Did you miss the part about her not cooking or cleaning while at home? Or the fact that the kids are school aged now, so there is no need to baby sit?
 
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volfan_28

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Did you kiss the part about her not cooking or cleaning while at home? Or the fact that the kids are school aged now, so there is no need to baby sit?
True love is unconditional. Not something earned through good works. The guy needs to focus on learning how to be a good husband and stop playing the blame game. And no I’m not claiming to be Mr. Perfect... far from it. But accepting responsibility for a situation isn’t difficult. Gotta start there.
 
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