VN "Meltdown" Stew Recipe 10.0
Makes 100,000+ servings
1 recruiting commitment (of the 2-3 star varieties)
1 recruiting decommitment (of the 4-5 star varieties)
1 coaching hire (if previous job was not @ Alabama)
1 coaching departure (does not matter where to or why)
1 field goal kicked into defender's armpit
1 13 men on the field penalty
1 missed three pointer
1 loss to Kentucky basketball
1 anonymous source from "TOS"
1 big fish
1 pair of Dooley pants
1 plane carrying Lovie Smith circling Knoxville
1 "presser" featuring Randy Shannon
1 Second Round NIT Loss as a #1 Seed and Peyton Manning spurning the state of Tennessee for Denver on the same day
1-6 flying beer bottles
10+ threads of Gruden-Mania
1 Vonn Bell "business decision"
3 second-half collapses (may need to add more to taste)
1 dash of DeBord dill weed
1 box of brittle bricks
As many 4th down conversions you can fit into the bowl
20-30 torn muscles and broken bones
2 midseason transfers
1,983 scoops of Shoop (to match amount of yards allowed in 2016's final three games)
1 Life Championship
1 Josh Dobbs NFL Draft analysis
1 Zone Read with a Pocket QB
1 historic beat down by UGA
1 helmet to fall on
Entire VolNation message board
Gather ingredients into a large orange mixing bowl. Add coaching departures to taste, slice big fish into 2-star projects. Pour beer into bowl and toss empty bottles over balcony. Mix well. Pour ingredients into large dumpster and set ablaze for 11-12 months, use gasoline for additional sear.
Allow to cool, stir remains of ingredients.
Over-stir if possible until mixture is coagulated into a substance impenetrable by bullets. Using a pastry bag and only organic filling from various sources within the Athletic Department, inject the material with ridiculous amounts of John Gruden until contents ooze throughout the streets of Knoxville. Let sit. Allow Derek Dooley to stop recruiting it until it commits to Ohio State. Allow Butch Jones to use leftover stew as mortar for brittle brick house. Let Ethan Wolf drop the container a few times to continue the cooling process. Don't allow Kyler Kerbyson to guard it or it will be eaten ravenously by the defense or your other family members. Allow Colton Jumper to "interfere" with the process as he is a Master Chef of interfering. Give a bowl to Zach Azzanni so he can eat during practice, which will be more than he usually does at practice. Serve with two napkins, unless "the chart" advises you to only use one.
Generously scoop multitudes of Shoop dessert to cover/coat the field; it should slow down opposing offenses better than the actual defense. Allow Kentucky and Missouri to run for 1,000 yards on it. Double-over in pain and groan from food poisoning caused by the atrocious staleness of the sugar found in the Sugar Bowl. Advise doctors that treatment is unnecessary, as you are a life champion. Leave hospital.
On way home from hospital, stop by Neyland Stadium and fall on a helmet with your eyeball. Fall on it 41 times until your vision is blurry and all you see is red. Open swollen eye, slowly, allow EMT who looks like Chip Kelly to apply ice pack until all your pain and misery subsides.
ENJOY!
