The Tell A Funny Story Thread

#1
RockyTop572

RockyTop572

Speaker of truth.
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#1
I'm bored and sick of working on my paper. As my roommate says to me when he's bored, "tell me a story, one that is true".

I'll go with the time in high school I got caught cheating 4 times on the same quiz to kick things off. Literally...4. And my idiot teacher still gave me a 100 on it.

I also spent two spring breaks in Nicaragua doing service work and each one my lack of Spanish led to pretty good stories. The first time I went I knew literally zero Spanish and someone told me the word for bear was "oso" so every time it was time for a meal and I went through the line I would ask the ladies serving us if the food was "oso" and they would just look at me like I was crazy. I often would choose not to eat dinner after asking them as a joke. I later found out that they thought I really did regularly eat bear. We also were asked to get up and tell something about where we are from in Spanish and my sentence was "where I come from there are many bears".

The second story is much shorter but then when I went back the next year I thought I knew how to say "I don't understand"...but apparently I was using the wrong tense and walking around telling Nicaraguans that "you don't understand". I'm not sure if I'm allowed back in Nicaragua...
 
#3
#3
I worked for a marine engine manufacturer, and we bought stern drives from Volvo of Sweden. The Volvo rep was visiting us for a couple of days, with his very strong Swedish accent. The division manager, Fred, was a big cut-up, and just after the guy left the office, Fred went into his best parody of the guy's accent. There was suddenly an "excuse me, I left my yacket" from the doorway as the Volvo rep came back in the middle of Fred's "act". It was obvious from his expression, he heard most if not all Fred said. Needless to say it was very embarassing at the time, but became a never forgotten story brought up anytime we were reminded of of it.
 
#4
#4
I was teaching a Science lesson to my third graders about mammals and egg-layers. To wrap up the lesson I was calling out various animals and the students were responding with "mammal" or "lays eggs" as their answer. Welllllll...obviously one of my students had been in her own little world because when I came to her and asked "Janet, what's a chicken?" she blinked a couple of times and then responded "DELICIOUS!"
 
#5
#5
LadyinOrange said:
I was teaching a Science lesson to my third graders about mammals and egg-layers. To wrap up the lesson I was calling out various animals and the students were responding with "mammal" or "lays eggs" as their answer. Welllllll...obviously one of my students had been in her own little world because when I came to her and asked "Janet, what's a chicken?" she blinked a couple of times and then responded "DELICIOUS!"
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Haha nice.

My younger sister was asked in Kindergarten, "what does the cow say?" and in all her brilliance she responded "eat more chicken". Apparently her teacher was in tears she was laughing so hard. My sister said it completely serious too...
 
#6
#6
Those are all good. RT, hearing that you are banned from Nicaragua is no surprise to me. One that I thought of off of RT's cheating story. Well actually its a story off another story. Its late I'm not making sense.

But anyway, I had this computer class with a teacher (Mr.Smith) that I had almost every semester of my high school years. Me and him were pretty good buddies and would consistently insult each other as well as each other's mothers. I got kicked out of the class so much. Anyway we had a project that we had the whole semester to work on that was to send the teacher and his wife anywhere in the world and do a powerpoint about it keeping track of all expenses. All my buddies in the class took about 3 weeks to finish their projects and sent the teacher to Hawaii and China and such. I decided to do mine the last day of class, and sent my teacher and his wife to my house, where I would pay for every expense. This powerpoint was just completely laced with sexual innuendo and homophobic underlining. You have to understand that my buddies are complete overachievers and honor students. So when we got the grades back for our projects and I kicked both their asses on it it was sweet bliss. Nothing like a teacher who loves you.

The cheating part came from another class that I had Mr. Smith for. It was a visual basic class and I had no idea how to do basic whatsoever. Yes, I got through a whole class based on visual basic without knowing a lick of it. How did I do this? By copying every single project done by a friend and putting my name on it. We're talking probably at least 50 projects I copied off. One day, I accidentally copied a dbag's project and he told Smith. Smith went and researched and saw I copied every project from my buddy through the whole semester. I got a 98 in the class.

That pretty much sums up my whole high school career. Not much has changed in college.
 
#7
#7
One more from one of the same classes. In high school I was kind of what some would call "dumb", so one of my buddies convinced me that if I typed in krisisgay.com (Kris was the another buddy in the class) that it would bring up this newspaper article with Kris's name placed in it or something. So I was like hell yea I'm doing that. So I type it in and hit enter and freaking gay porn pops up everywhere. So my two buddies are just laughing hysterically and I'm pretty confident I'm about to get suspended from school. So I go up and try to tell Mr. Smith what happened, and I get to, "uh, smitty I may have done something bad and...." and Smith kicks me out for bothering him. Anyway, I never did get in trouble which is pretty sweet considering they track every site you go on at the school.
 
#8
#8
True Story
I was at a bar in Statesboro GA with my buddies when a young lady asked my friend for a light. He said, "I don't have one with me, but if you follow me to my car I will get you one"

I then warned the young lady:"Be careful, that is how Ted Bundy got his start".

Then she replied: "I love Married With Children!".
 
#9
#9
Lexvol said:
True Story
I was at a bar in Statesboro GA with my buddies when a young lady asked my friend for a light. He said, "I don't have one with me, but if you follow me to my car I will get you one"

I then warned the young lady:"Be careful, that is how Ted Bundy got his start".

Then she replied: "I love Married With Children!".
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:birgits_giggle:
 
#11
#11
My second year in high school I was in a sex ed class. The teacher was explaining the old male reproductive juices. She was explaining that they are made up of proteins as well as salt like minerals. We actually had a girl ask the teacher if that was why it tasted salty. As everyone laughed she looked around clueless. It took a couple of minutes for it to sink in and she was horrified at what she had just said. That little episode was talked about quite a bit over the next couple of years.
 
#12
#12
One day at work, around lunch time, a co-worker sticks his head in the engineering lab and yells out to a couple other people in the room, "hey you guys want to order "gook" food for lunch?" Needless to say, there was an Asian gentleman visiting that day. Ouch!
 
#13
#13
KB5252 said:
My second year in high school I was in a sex ed class. The teacher was explaining the old male reproductive juices. She was explaining that they are made up of proteins as well as salt like minerals. We actually had a girl ask the teacher if that was why it tasted salty. As everyone laughed she looked around clueless. It took a couple of minutes for it to sink in and she was horrified at what she had just said. That little episode was talked about quite a bit over the next couple of years.
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That's priceless.
 
#14
#14
I think a nice alternate title for this tread would be "Can't sleep, well come ramble a little bit".

Or at least for KC and I anyway. Those were pretty good stories though. I'm all about befriending teachers.
 
#15
#15
KB5252 said:
My second year in high school I was in a sex ed class. The teacher was explaining the old male reproductive juices. She was explaining that they are made up of proteins as well as salt like minerals. We actually had a girl ask the teacher if that was why it tasted salty. As everyone laughed she looked around clueless. It took a couple of minutes for it to sink in and she was horrified at what she had just said. That little episode was talked about quite a bit over the next couple of years.
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wow that is awesome. We had a guy ask my sex ed teacher if it was possible for a woman to rape a man. It was pretty humorous.
 
#16
#16
RockyTop572 said:
I think a nice alternate title for this tread would be "Can't sleep, well come ramble a little bit".

Or at least for KC and I anyway. Those were pretty good stories though. I'm all about befriending teachers.
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I agree. I'll try to keep the stories to my self tonight. Haven't gone to sleep in 36 hours now. Not even tired. Something is wrong with me. I suppose its finals.
 
#17
#17
I've told this story in another thread, but here goes: A couple of months ago my daughter figured out how to snap her fingers, and wanted to show me, so she had me watch. She then snapped her fingers at my wife and said "Fix me some dinner, NOW!". I laughed so hard for so long I thought I'd never stop.
 
#18
#18
volsforever27 said:
I've told this story in another thread, but here goes: A couple of months ago my daughter figured out how to snap her fingers, and wanted to show me, so she had me watch. She then snapped her fingers at my wife and said "Fix me some dinner, NOW!". I laughed so hard for so long I thought I'd never stop.
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Funny...but I bet you were totally in the doghouse after that.
 
#19
#19
volsforever27 said:
I've told this story in another thread, but here goes: A couple of months ago my daughter figured out how to snap her fingers, and wanted to show me, so she had me watch. She then snapped her fingers at my wife and said "Fix me some dinner, NOW!". I laughed so hard for so long I thought I'd never stop.
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Was the couch comfortable that night?
 
#22
#22
This was a prank I pulled back in college:

I used run the kitchen at a Christian coffee house/bistro during lunch time. My boss had just bought a bunch of computers for his "cyber cafe" venture, so we all took advantage of the internet access to download a lot of MP3's to play during open hours.

The boss man was very strict on what we were allow to play in the coffee house- but this rule didn't apply to him, of course. To make matters worse, his taste in music was HORRIBLE. :sick:

Everytime I heard this one particular song he played(the name of it escapes me), it would just piss me off. It was a folky, whiney, Indigo Girl-eqsue piece of crap song. I hated it. :mad:

So one evening, that song came on and I'd had enough.

I hopped online, downloaded "The Great Southern Trend Kill" by a band called Pantera. If you've never heard of Pantera, they were an extremely loud, ruthless, ass-kickin' heavy metal band. :rock:

I copied the name of bossman's god awful song, deleted it, then renamed the Pantera song to whatever that piece of garbage was named.

The trap was set. :naughty:

Next day at lunch, we had an group of elderly women come in to eat. And like clockwork, the boss's song came on; blasting through the speakers, making all the elderly people jump and spill soup on themselves!

My boss was on the other side of the restaurant when it happened. I've never seen a man move so fast in my life. He shot across the dining room and frantically clicked the song off.

I had to run to the restroom because I was laughing so hard. :post-4-1090547912:

Here's a link to "The Great Southern Trend Kill" :

Pantera The Great Southern Trendkill - Song - MP3 Stream on IMEEM Music
 
#23
#23
doozer said:
Interesting. I could have sworn the thread title said to tell a FUNNY story.
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Some people just have to be tools all the time; tell me, is it genetic or do you have to keep working like heck on it?

As for everyone else, she was mad at me for laughing but I wasn't in too much trouble. I'm not one of those that says fix my dinner, I tend to value my life too much for that. She just said it... that's part of what made is so funny, the shock aspect of it.
 
#24
#24
volsforever27 said:
Some people just have to be tools all the time; tell me, is it genetic or do you have to keep working like heck on it?

As for everyone else, she was mad at me for laughing but I wasn't in too much trouble. I'm not one of those that says fix my dinner, I tend to value my life too much for that. She just said it... that's part of what made is so funny, the shock aspect of it.
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it's a little bit of both honestly.
 
#25
#25
volsforever27 said:
Some people just have to be tools all the time; tell me, is it genetic or do you have to keep working like heck on it?

As for everyone else, she was mad at me for laughing but I wasn't in too much trouble. I'm not one of those that says fix my dinner, I tend to value my life too much for that. She just said it... that's part of what made is so funny, the shock aspect of it.
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I thought it was very funny, but one must honestly wonder where she would have come up with it to begin with... :birgits_giggle:
 
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