What a wild second half, Sports Fans!
As reported earlier, Open Date's starting teams and coaches had decamped en masse to a local purveyor of food and drink. OD Head Coach Bill Higdon was spotted talking animatedly into a cell phone as the reporters finished signing their copies of everyone elses' bar tabs and were heading back to Neyland Stadium.
Once back inside it was obvious what that call had been. A new Open Date team was now on the field having apparently been recruited form the ranks of the Vol Cheerleaders, Dance Team, Band and Majorettes. UT Head Coach Phillip Fulmer was seen remonstrating with SEC Director of Officials Bobby Gaston. Gaston heard the coach out then said, "Shut the (blank) up and get back on your sideline."
Gaston later denied that the fat envelope sticking out of his back pocket had anything to do with his decision to allow the game to proceed.
Open Date, after Wilhoit's kick went into the endzone, began their first series of the half on the OD 20. Open Date's drive stalled at the OD 45 and Coldbeers' punter Jamie Ugarkovich took the snap and kicked to Jonathan Hefney waiting at the UT 22.
The ball hit Hefney in the helmet as he looked downfield at the onrushing Coldbeers. I must note that the Coldbeers cover squad was drawn mainly from the Dance Team.
Asked about the play in the UT locker room after the game, Hefney said, "Dammit, one o' dem girls flashed me as she be runnin' down da field. How's a man supposed to be thinking about footbawl when they be boobies comin' at him?" Hefney, an English major from Rock Hill, SC, attempted to recover the ball but was stiff-armed by Smokey. Featured Twirler Lindsay Cupp scooped up the ball and pranced into the end zone for OD's second score.
Score: Open Date 14 - UT 3.
At this point in play, things got a might strange.
Tennessee SID Bud Ford stormed onto the field at the head of a platoon of the UT Army ROTC Rangers in full combat gear. The Rangers set up a defensive perimeter around the 50 yard line and Ford got on the PA to announce, "This ends NOW!" A tense standoff ensued. Gus Manning was observed passing Bobby Gaston and even bigger envelope whereupon Gaston ran onto the field, stopping play and overruling his previous ruling which overturned a decision on the field. He told the electric clock operator to, "Put 0:00 on the clock and remove all points from both teams."
Tempers flared. Fortunately, the tension was broken by Coach Bill Higdon who staggered out of the South tunnel saying, "Hey, I done better than Hambone's card, I done scored one from Big Oil! Drinks are on me!"
The stadium quickly emptied.
The only casualty reported was an ESPN reporter, who mistaken wandered onto the field and was shot on general principal.
I'm OMG and I approved this message, ... maybe, ... well, sort of, ... um, not really.
:beer:
