Joe Thompson, 37, the House Minority Whip in the New Mexico state legislature, attended a bill-signing ceremony to highlight his state's tough new crackdown on drunk drivers. Thompson, arrested that very day for driving drunk, immediately said he would seek treatment...presumably for his dizzying hypocrisy.
Ronald McAllister left something behind after robbing a Tulsa, Oklahoma, bank--the holdup note, which was printed, along with vital personal information, on one of his own deposit slips. McAllister was easily traced and has now been deposited in the pokey by highly amused police.
Forrest Chasteen passed a note demanding money to a Vancouver bank teller, who handed over a wad of bills. Not satisfied with the size of his wad, Chasteen complained to the bank's manager, and complained, and complained...until local police, known for top-notch customer service, finally arrived and arrested him.
Tara Jo Curtis of Panama City couldn't quite remember the phone number of her crack dealer, but that didn't stop her from trying to buy some rock from the strangers who answered the phone. Busted shortly thereafter, Tara becomes the first criminal to make it onto the most wanted list and the no-call list in one stroke.
Michael Broome, 20, tried to make a purchase at a California electronics store using a stolen credit card. When an alert clerk refused to return the stolen card to the would-be identity thief, Broome called police, who swept into action and whisked the dirtbag away to the local jail.
Ronald Mahner, released from the county lockup after serving time for auto theft, drunk driving, and driving with a license that had been suspended for life, returned to retrieve his belongings. Driving yet another stolen car, he staggered into the jail, presented his suspended-for-life driver's license as ID, and demanded habitual offender status.
Richard McCabe, 38, robbed five ATM customers at knifepoint in less than two weeks, producing four photos which were soon circulating on the web. The Iron Age thief McCabe subsequently became a missing link when he was forwarded to local police by over 100 angry Info Age informants.
Joseph Hubbert of Minneapolis climbed to the roof of a bookstore on Christmas Eve, stripped naked, and tried unsuccessfully to wriggle his way down a narrow chimney. The chimney proved to be way too tight, teaching the would-be burglar a stiff lesson that might come in handy at his new home--the state prison.
Raymond Hernandez, 57, tried to rob the same bank teller who moments before had refused to cash his check; appealing his subsequent conviction, Hernandez argued that he should not be held responsible because the crime was so stupid. Donald Sebastian, 54, called for real police backup while he was impersonating a police officer; anticipating his upcoming conviction, Sebastian was forced to recite the following in court: "I promise I won't do anything stupid." Gentlemen, we salute you both.
Santa Claus robbed another bank this year, this time knocking off the Alberta Treasury Bank of Edmonton, Canada. For the thirtieth time in thirty-four years, Santa, CEO of the world's largest toy distributor and still the world's best known elf, once again failed to wear a disguise!
James Stissi, 36, mugged for a candid photograph while stealing $2000 worth of digital photography equipment from a Long Island WalMart. Two weeks later, that very photo, which he left behind, earned him an opportunity to pose for a second, less flattering shot...his mug shot.
Jason Hayes, a prison escape artist still sporting his stripes, walked right past a startled law enforcement officer in Salem, Oregon. Hayes bolted and jumped over a fence--right into the middle of a police training exercise at the Dept. of Corrections. Hayes, an aspiring Houdini, literally broke into jail.
Rudy Susanto of Philadelphia was beaten by a group of schoolgirls after exposing himself repeatedly in the vicinity of St. Maria Goretti school. Treated at St. Agnes hospital, Susanto, now charged with several sex crimes, said he "should have taken Mama's advice and become a priest."
Dick Gunn will appeal his murder conviction despite admitting that he killed the victim using a straight-edged razor, a butcher's knife, a crowbar, a fireplace poker, a handsaw, an axe, and a salad fork. Really, Dick, even the Manson family had the decency to use a dinner fork.
Wilbert Boswell knows that some things in life are stupid. Leaving your cell phone at a store you just robbed: stupid. Going to the police station to pick it up: real stupid. Promptly getting arrested: real real stupid. Going through all that to rob the register at Payless Shoes: priceless.
Bob Peters, arrested for flashing, flashed his jury at trial. Jurors acquitted Peters because his penis appeared too small to have been seen by his accuser, and, we presume, out of pity.
William Hainline, 53, was arrested for burning a large amount of marijuana in his back porch barbecue while pointing a powerful exhaust fan out the front door. Angry neighbors ate, watched some TV, then called police.
