Republican Joke

#1
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#1
"A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, 'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.' The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, 'You're in a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.'

She rolled her eyes and said, 'You must be a Republican.'

'I am,' replied the man. 'How did you know?'

'Well,' answered the balloonist, 'everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me.'

The man smiled and said, 'You must be a Democrat.'

'I am,' replied the balloonist. 'How did you know?'

'Well,' said the man, 'you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met but, somehow, it's my fault.'"
 
#4
#4
thats one of the best iv heard gotta love a joke that bashes :bash: a dem GO VOLS GO REPULICANS :elephant:
 
#10
#10
I don't know why I'm wasting my time responding to this ancient (circa 1960s) joke.

The GOP has controlled both houses of Congress since the 1994 elections and the WH since 2001. We can pay tribute to them for:
* Turning the Clinton-era budget surpluses (the first in decades) into a record $8 trillion national debt. In fact, the current administration has borrowed more from foreign governments than the previous 42 presidents COMBINED, largely in order to give his political base large tax cuts. Your children, grandchildren, great-granchildren, etc., will be paying the debt -- even further undermining their standard of living. (Ronald Reagan is turning over in his grave.)
* Turning virtually every nation, save the U.K. (thank God for Tony Blair) against us.
* Costing us now more than 1,000 American lives, to oust an Iraqi dictator, who was no doubt evil but posed no real threat to the U.S.
* Like their great uncle, Joe McCarthy, accusing every American who dares speak against all this lunacy "unpatriotic" when Free Speech is Amendment One to the Constitution and therefore its exercise is among the most patriotic actions one can take, short of volunteering for military service (and which most of this administration's most ardent supporters have never done and refuse to consider the idea for their own children).
* More than doubling the price of gasoline (in 1999, it was under $1 a gallon and this morning was $2.05 on my way to work). Guess whose Texas friends are making record windfall profits, and paying less tax on it?
* Putting forth the spectacle of a chubby middle-aged vice president who had 5 -- count them, FIVE -- draft deferments during the Vietnam War -- AND NEVER SERVED ONE DAY IN THE MILITARY -- attack war opponents, some of whom are highly decorated combat veterans. (Out of respect for his office, we'll pass over the president's illustrious Alabama and Texas National Guard record.)
* Respond to every criticism by shouting LIBERAL, LIBERAL, LIBERAL as loud as they can.
* Exploiting the deep political divisions in this Great Land for their own personal political agendas.
* Giving us the biggest coruption scandals in the W.H. since Iran-Contra.
* et al, ad infinitum

GO REPUBLICANS GO!
 
#12
#12
Originally posted by orange+white=heaven@Nov 23, 2005 11:22 AM
Somebody is sure to come back at you for that one but...
Good on ya mate!
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Thanks!
And bring it on! The truth always strikes a nerve.
 
#13
#13
On the other hand:

*Thank Clinton for taking credit for a bubble/dotcom economy that was not his doing. The recent downturn of the economy is more his fault than GWB. Only democrats seem to hate tax cuts. It’s hard to put the whole country of welfare without their taxes. Also, socialized healthcare is hard to fund without their taxes.

*Lets see who’s against us currently:
-France who can’t keep their own people from rioting after being oppressed by their gov’t. Maybe the 35 hour workweek gave them too much free time. Also remember how much $$$ they lost because of their Iraq contracts.
-Germany, still smarting from 2 butt-whippings by us in the past 100 years and whose gov’t is falling to pieces right before their eyes. And just for good measure, the neo-nazi movement is STILL thriving there.
-Russia whose country is dying and still controlled by a small group of elite. Let them deal w/ Chechnya and we’ll deal w/ the middle east. BTW, they are now doing join maneuvers w/ the Chinese. That alone makes the hair stand up on my neck.
-China. If you look at their economy, they are about to take a big fall. They will attack Taiwan in the near future (because they think it’s their land) and where does that leave the US?
-N.Korea, possibly only second in human rights violations to Germany in the 1940’s. Be glad you don’t live there or your last post would double as your will.

*Yes gas has gone up (it was at $1.28 in 1999) by about 40-50% but take a look at ground beef too. It has gone up 30% since 1999. Are republicans to blame for that as well? Maybe GWB has cows and we just don’t know about it. There was also a 15% rise in the CPI. Basically, everything has gone up.
*I’m glad you brought up free-speech and then dogged Cheney for expressing his opinions. I guess only democrats deserve free-speech. I also guess the patron saint of the Democratic Party (Clinton) never did anything to avoid service either?

* Respond to every criticism by shouting Religious-right, religious-right, religious-right as loud as they can.
* Exploiting the deep political divisions in this Great Land for their own personal political agendas. (directly copied from your post since it applies to both) BTW, thanks for putting Dean as the head for the Dems. Republicans couldn’t have chosen a better guy for you.
*I guess Whitewater, lying under oath and being impeached by the House don’t count as scandals?
*And last but not least, thanks to the Dems for attempting to remove God from the US. Just when we ALL need it most, Liberals feel it has no place in our lives. Thanks to them I no longer say “Bless You” when I hear a sneeze but I say “God bless you.” I also will never again say “Happy holidays” but instead will greet everyone with a “Merry Christmas”. When democrats realize that 86% of Americans admit to believing in a God, they may tell the other 14% to shut the hell up!

Sorry if it rambles but I'm at work. This country is too great to be going down this road (like the Vols fball team) but the extremists on both sides have gotten too firm a foothold.
 
#15
#15
Originally posted by utvolpj@Nov 23, 2005 2:19 PM
*Yes gas has gone up (it was at $1.28 in 1999) by about 40-50% but take a look at ground beef too.  It has gone up 30% since 1999.
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Sorry, but I don't depend on ground beef to get around and we don't usually buy pounds and pounds of it at a time. There's plenty of other things to eat besides beef. There's not plenty of things that we can put in our gas tank.
 
#16
#16
Originally posted by utvolpj@Nov 23, 2005 2:19 PM
On the other hand:

*Thank Clinton for taking credit for a bubble/dotcom economy that was not his doing.  The recent downturn of the economy is more his fault than GWB.  Only democrats seem to hate tax cuts.  It’s hard to put the whole country of welfare without their taxes.  Also, socialized healthcare is hard to fund without their taxes.

*Lets see who’s against us currently:
-France who can’t keep their own people from rioting after being oppressed by their gov’t.  Maybe the 35 hour workweek gave them too much free time.  Also remember how much $$$ they lost because of their Iraq contracts.
-Germany, still smarting from 2 butt-whippings by us in the past 100 years and whose gov’t is falling to pieces right before their eyes.  And just for good measure, the neo-nazi movement is STILL thriving there.
-Russia whose country is dying and still controlled by a small group of elite.  Let them deal w/ Chechnya and we’ll deal w/ the middle east.  BTW, they are now doing join maneuvers w/ the Chinese.  That alone makes the hair stand up on my neck.
-China.  If you look at their economy, they are about to take a big fall.  They will attack Taiwan in the near future (because they think it’s their land) and where does that leave the US?
-N.Korea, possibly only second in human rights violations to Germany in the 1940’s.  Be glad you don’t live there or your last post would double as your will.

*Yes gas has gone up (it was at $1.28 in 1999) by about 40-50% but take a look at ground beef too.  It has gone up 30% since 1999.  Are republicans to blame for that as well?  Maybe GWB has cows and we just don’t know about it.  There was also a 15% rise in the CPI.  Basically, everything has gone up. 
*I’m glad you brought up free-speech and then dogged  Cheney for expressing his opinions.  I guess only democrats deserve free-speech.  I also guess the patron saint of the Democratic Party (Clinton) never did anything to avoid service either?

* Respond to every criticism by shouting Religious-right, religious-right, religious-right as loud as they can.
* Exploiting the deep political divisions in this Great Land for their own personal political agendas. (directly copied from your post since it applies to both) BTW, thanks for putting Dean as the head for the Dems.  Republicans couldn’t have chosen a better guy for you.
*I guess Whitewater, lying under oath and being impeached by the House don’t count as scandals?
*And last but not least, thanks to the Dems for attempting to remove God from the US.  Just when we ALL need it most, Liberals feel it has no place in our lives.  Thanks to them I no longer say “Bless You” when I hear a sneeze but I say “God bless you.”  I also will never again say “Happy holidays” but instead will greet everyone with a “Merry Christmas”.  When democrats realize that 86% of Americans admit to believing in a God, they may tell the other 14% to shut the hell up!

Sorry if it rambles but I'm at work.  This country is too great to be going down this road (like the Vols fball team) but the extremists on both sides have gotten too firm a foothold.
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AWESOME!!!!!!!
 
#19
#19
Oh my lord, using my name and the word democrats in the same sentence is catamount to heresy, treason, and a death sentence.

owb and his mom (my sister) are but not moi...just can't get them to see the real light, but anyway...so it goes.
 
#20
#20
Nothing better then hearing the extreme right and left wingers argue about points that will never be agreed upon
 
#22
#22
Originally posted by U-T@Nov 24, 2005 10:57 PM
Nothing better then hearing the extreme right and left wingers argue about points that will never be agreed upon
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No doubt about that one. :eek:k:
 
#23
#23
I used to be very conservative but the combination of the War, the current Adminstration, and other factos have pushed me very far away from them.

Then the extreme liberals who...ugh, nevermind.

I consider myself right in the middle of everything generally.
 
#24
#24
Originally posted by U-T@Nov 25, 2005 4:45 PM
I used to be very conservative but the combination of the War, the current Adminstration, and other factos have pushed me very far away from them.

Then the extreme liberals who...ugh, nevermind.

I consider myself right in the middle of everything generally.
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agreed....elections nowadays are a vote for the lesser of two evils anyway...name your poison.
 
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