New Bama Coach should be...

#1
VolInsider

VolInsider

Sports Management Guru
Joined
Aug 14, 2005
Messages
978
Likes
13
#1
...ME!:)

Here's why:
1) I REALLY need a job (year our of grad school and only one freakin' interview), I'm so desperate I might actually accept the position--unlike Rodriguez, Spurrier, Saban, Stoops, Fisher, Davis, Petrino, and 30 guys named "Mike".

2) Two degrees in Sport Management/Administration.

3) More experience in college athletics than Gus Malzahn had when Arky hired him.

4) Having left UT before all of the NCAA-investigation whistle-blowing stuff, there's no way I could have been a part of the NCAA/Phil Fulmer/Big Orange/CIA/FBI/ATF/KGB/Right Wing consipiracy against Bama.:whistling:

5) Pretty good job resurrecting the UT Hockey team. (I know that nobody knows about us, but we're doing fairly well, being ranked #1 with a 16-1 record and all.):devilsmoke:

6) I will work for less money than they are offering the other coaches. This way, the extra money can be used to bring in the best recruits money can buy. Every Bammer knows, your team is only as good as your weakest bought player.:pimp_2:

7) Alabama sent us Bill Battle. I think its time we returned the favor.:thumbsup:
 
#5
#5
Anybody that can put together a hockey program in the south can surely manage Alabama football.

I think your recommendation on spending money on recruiting will win over most of the Athletic Department.
 
#7
#7
Thank you for the votes of confidence, I'll forward them along with my resume' to Mal Moore.:)

No houndstooth hat, that could hurt my cause. However, I'm a pretty big guy, so if I go without shaving for a few days maybe I could resemble a grizzly bear.:crazy:
 
#8
#8
where did you get your sports management degrees? btw, thanks for making me feel all warm and fuzzy about my job chances come august when i graduate in the same field
 
#9
#9
volfanbill said:
where did you get your sports management degrees? btw, thanks for making me feel all warm and fuzzy about my job chances come august when i graduate in the same field
Click to expand...

B.S. Tennessee '03
M.S. ETSU '05

Sorry, not meaning to darken your future there. :p The good thing about Sport Management is that the business skills transfer into so many other areas, the market is also better if you are willing to move around. However, I'm stubborn and want to stay in the mid-south/southeast, and want to be in athletics and not another business field. I do have a real, non-sports job to pay bills...its just boring and crappy, lol.

The main thing is get as much experience as possible, no matter what it is. High School, minor leagues, other sports (not just the big three of football/baseball/basketball), and try various kinds of jobs (team ops, event management, media relations, development, marketing, etc.) so you have some expereience and a basic knowledge no matter which sports job you apply for.

It's a fun field to get into. If you need any practicum/internship hours for class, let me know; I might be able to help!:good!:
 
#10
#10
VolInsider said:
...ME!:)

Here's why:
1) I REALLY need a job (year our of grad school and only one freakin' interview), I'm so desperate I might actually accept the position--unlike Rodriguez, Spurrier, Saban, Stoops, Fisher, Davis, Petrino, and 30 guys named "Mike".

2) Two degrees in Sport Management/Administration.

3) More experience in college athletics than Gus Malzahn had when Arky hired him.

4) Having left UT before all of the NCAA-investigation whistle-blowing stuff, there's no way I could have been a part of the NCAA/Phil Fulmer/Big Orange/CIA/FBI/ATF/KGB/Right Wing consipiracy against Bama.:whistling:

5) Pretty good job resurrecting the UT Hockey team. (I know that nobody knows about us, but we're doing fairly well, being ranked #1 with a 16-1 record and all.):devilsmoke:

6) I will work for less money than they are offering the other coaches. This way, the extra money can be used to bring in the best recruits money can buy. Every Bammer knows, your team is only as good as your weakest bought player.:pimp_2:

7) Alabama sent us Bill Battle. I think its time we returned the favor.:thumbsup:
Click to expand...

How are your recruiting skills? What type of offense do you feature? Can you start Monday?
 
#12
#12
TuskALoosa said:
How are your recruiting skills? What type of offense do you feature? Can you start Monday?
Click to expand...

Recruiting, EXCELLENT! We have had the top-ranked recruiting class of all southern club hockey teams each of the last 3 years. (Seriously, we have done a pretty good job with the talent available to bring in. We have even drawn hockey players away from NCAA programs to our club team.)

[Side note: I did apply for an assistant recruiting/high school relations position for UT football 3 years ago and didn't get it.]

Wide open, my offenses average about 35-40 a game....on Xbox. I run a varied offense with different formations from a spread shotgun, to the I, pro set, and one back sets. My specialty is defense. I constantly blitz. Zone blitz, man blitz, kitchen-sink blitz. If the quarterback is on his @$$, he can't throw the ball. If he hands off to the running back, somebody will be in the backfield to decapitate said running back.

Yes, I can start Monday. But moving costs will have to be included as a part of my contract. I will cut you a deal and only sign for 3 years, with your option for 4 more, but I want a $5million buyout in effect until the option is picked up. Also I must have the subscription to ESPN The Magizine and the free MP3 player (for those who have seen the commercial):p
 
#13
#13
VolInsider said:
Recruiting, EXCELLENT! We have had the top-ranked recruiting class of all southern club hockey teams each of the last 3 years. (Seriously, we have done a pretty good job with the talent available to bring in. We have even drawn hockey players away from NCAA programs to our club team.)

[Side note: I did apply for an assistant recruiting/high school relations position for UT football 3 years ago and didn't get it.]

Wide open, my offenses average about 35-40 a game....on Xbox. I run a varied offense with different formations from a spread shotgun, to the I, pro set, and one back sets. My specialty is defense. I constantly blitz. Zone blitz, man blitz, kitchen-sink blitz. If the quarterback is on his @$$, he can't throw the ball. If he hands off to the running back, somebody will be in the backfield to decapitate said running back.

Yes, I can start Monday. But moving costs will have to be included as a part of my contract. I will cut you a deal and only sign for 3 years, with your option for 4 more, but I want a $5million buyout in effect until the option is picked up. Also I must have the subscription to ESPN The Magizine and the free MP3 player (for those who have seen the commercial):p
Click to expand...
i read the first post...and got a chuckle.

but that's funny right there...............
 
#15
#15
Am still puzzled why the Alabama state bird, the Yellowhammer, turned down such a prestigious job in his own home state. However, I do agree a hockey player from our beloved state of Tennessee would be a great fit for the job!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
#17
#17
volfanbill said:
thanks for making me feel all warm and fuzzy about my job chances come august when i graduate in the same field
Click to expand...

No worries Volfanbill, you can come on board my staff as Recruiting Coordinator:pimp_2:

Rounding out the staff....

Offensive Coordinator: Michael Richards...because he sure knows how to offend people.

Defensive Coordinator: Donald Rumsfeld...because I don't plan on being around this job more than 6 years.

Special Teams Coordinator: Mal Moore...because he sure is special:crazy:

Wide Receivers Coach: Tom Arnold...he should know about wide things, he married Rosanne.

Running Backs Coach: Maurice Clarett...he has experience running in a National Title game, and from the police.

Quarterbacks Coach: Bob Huggins...even if he can't coach quarterbacks, maybe he can teach the team techniques on playing Quarters (or beer pong).

Line Coach: Keith Richards...because he has done more lines than any other person on the planet.

Linebackers Coach: Lawrence Taylor...because it would just be fun to put him togetether with the rest of the people in this staff and see what happens!

Defensive Backs Coach: Mike DuBose...just to mess with the Bammer's minds.

Director of Substance Testing: Onterrio Smith...insert various wizzinator jokes here.

Director of Equity and Minority Outreach: Carlos Mencia...just because I think he is hilarious:eek:lol:

Administrative Assistants: Jenna Jameson and Brianna Banks...do I even have to explain?:devilsmoke:

Expect everything to be announced in a press conference tomorrow!
 
#19
#19
Vol Mania 21 said:
I like your Administrative Assistants, put in Tera Patrick as personal assistant
Click to expand...

I like the way you think VolMania:good!:

I'll add you as Director of High School Relations...see if you can get some of Tera's friends over to the program as hostesses to show the recruits a good time..er...show them around campus.:)
 
#20
#20
VolInsider said:
Rounding out the staff....
Click to expand...

That is a nice list, but if I were you, I would consider trading Dubose for Allen Iverson. My thinking is 1) he is on the blocks, and has been for a while; 2) he would give the program both street cred and buzz factor and probably several other cliches; and 3) he seems to have a great attitude about practice

YouTube - Practice Allen Iverson
 
#22
#22
cotton said:
3) he seems to have a great attitude about practice
Click to expand...

...Practice?!
We tawkin' 'bout PRACTICE?!
Practice?!

It would never work, I actually believe practice makes perfect....which might further explain why Jameson and Banks are the Admin. Assistants!:rock:
 
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