rjl4tnvols
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What is the difference between Steve Spurrier and God?
God doesn't think he's Steve Spurrier
Two Gators rent a movie. Just as the movie begins, a message appears on the screen "This movie has been altered to fit your television screen." One Gator said to the other, "How do they know what size screen I have?"
Q. WHAT ARE THE TOUGHEST 6 YEARS IN A GATOR'S LIFE?
A. 3RD GRADE.
Q. WHAT DO YOU CALL A GATOR WITH HALF A BRAIN?
A. "GIFTED".
DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BAMA FAN WHO BOUGHT AN "A.M." RADIO? IT TOOK HIM TWO WEEKS TO FIGURE OUT THAT IT COULD PLAY AT NIGHT.
Q. WHAT JOB DO THEY ASSIGN BAMA FAN AT THE M&M FACTORY?
A. PROOFREADING.
Q. HOW DID THE BAMA FAN DIE DRINKING MILK?
A. THE COW FELL OVER ON HIM.
ICE IS NO LONGER SERVED IN DRINKS AT UF. THE SENIOR WHO KNEW THE RECIPE GRADUATED.
How is a tornado similar to a divorce in Gainesville?
IN both cases somebody loses a trailer!
Did you notice the signs over the urinals in the Swamp student section rest rooms?
They read, "Please don't eat the mint."
A young man was at the UT game sitting in the top of the nosebleed section. While viewing the crowd with his binoculars he noticed an empty seat on the 50-yard line. During halftime he walked down to see if the seat was occupied. An elderly gentleman was sitting in the seat next to the empty one. "Is anyone sitting in this empty seat," asked the young man. "No, my wife and I have had these same seats for 40 years, but she's dead now," replied the old man. The young man then asked why the old man didn't bring any friends or relatives to the game. The old man responded, "They're all at the funeral."
Steve Spurrier died and went to heaven. Upon meeting St. Peter at the pearly white gates, St. Peter says," Good to see you Steve, we have a huge house waiting for you." Spurrier was pleased by this news until he arrived at his so called huge house. Turns out it was a pretty small house with lots of south carolina flags flying outside of it. Needless to say, Steve was pissed. He went to St. Peter and said, "No disrespect, but I thought you said my house was huge." St. Peter replied, " It is considered a very huge house here in Heaven, most people don't even get a house." Having learned this Spurrier was once again happy. On his way back to his house he noticed a mansion with UT flags and banners flying everywhere. Once again, Steve was pissed. He went back to St. Peter and said,"Once again, no disrespect, but why does Fulmer get a house bigger than mine?" St. Peter replied, "Are you talking about the house with all the UT paraphenalia?"
"Yes," replied Steve.
"Why that's not Fulmers' house, it's GODS'"
At their annual meeting before the beginning of the season, all the top twenty Division I football coaches decided on having golden phones installed in all their respective offices. One day, a recruit named Joe walked into Coach Dubose's office and saw his golden phone sitting there. "Wow" Joe exclaimed, "What's that?" Tom responded, "Well, my son, that there is a golden phone. Its a direct line to Heaven." "Wow, that's pretty neat," Joe responded, "Do you think I could make a phone call on that phone?" "Well, It's gonna cost you about $100. And the check needs to be payable to the University of Alabama Probation Fund," said Dubose. "That's a lot of money, I don't think it would be worth it to spend that much money. Thanks though." Joe replied as he walked out of Coach Dubose's office.
A few weeks later, Joe took a campus visit to Florida State and went to Bobby Bowden's office. Again, he noticed the golden phone sitting on the coach's desk. "What exactly is that phone for, Coach Bowden?" he asked. "Well, son, that there is a direct line to heaven," Bowden replied. That's pretty neat," Joe replied, "Do you think I could make a phone call on that phone? "Well sure, but its gonna cost you about $50 payable to the Bobby Bowden/Burt Reynolds/Deon Sanders Honorarium Fund." replied the coach. "Oh, never mind then." Joe shook his head. "I don't have that kind of money. Thanks though." And Joe walked out of the office.
The next weekend, Joe visited Knoxville, TN, home of the Volunteers. Being as he was a recruit, the first place he was directed was Coach Fulmer's office. Again, he saw the golden phone sitting there and asked if it was the golden phone to heaven. Coach Fulmer nodded, and Joe asked if he could make a call on it. Coach Fulmer replied, "Well, sure you can, but it will cost you a quarter. Upon hearing this Joe's eyes got real big and said, "Really? Then why did Coach Dubose and Coach Bowden tell me it would cost so much more? Coach looked up from behind his desk and smiled, saying, "Because, my boy, here in Knoxville, it's a local call!"
And finally the best joke I've heard in a long time Cal fans actually think they are going to win
ost-4-1090547912:
God doesn't think he's Steve Spurrier
Two Gators rent a movie. Just as the movie begins, a message appears on the screen "This movie has been altered to fit your television screen." One Gator said to the other, "How do they know what size screen I have?"
Q. WHAT ARE THE TOUGHEST 6 YEARS IN A GATOR'S LIFE?
A. 3RD GRADE.
Q. WHAT DO YOU CALL A GATOR WITH HALF A BRAIN?
A. "GIFTED".
DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BAMA FAN WHO BOUGHT AN "A.M." RADIO? IT TOOK HIM TWO WEEKS TO FIGURE OUT THAT IT COULD PLAY AT NIGHT.
Q. WHAT JOB DO THEY ASSIGN BAMA FAN AT THE M&M FACTORY?
A. PROOFREADING.
Q. HOW DID THE BAMA FAN DIE DRINKING MILK?
A. THE COW FELL OVER ON HIM.
ICE IS NO LONGER SERVED IN DRINKS AT UF. THE SENIOR WHO KNEW THE RECIPE GRADUATED.
How is a tornado similar to a divorce in Gainesville?
IN both cases somebody loses a trailer!
Did you notice the signs over the urinals in the Swamp student section rest rooms?
They read, "Please don't eat the mint."
A young man was at the UT game sitting in the top of the nosebleed section. While viewing the crowd with his binoculars he noticed an empty seat on the 50-yard line. During halftime he walked down to see if the seat was occupied. An elderly gentleman was sitting in the seat next to the empty one. "Is anyone sitting in this empty seat," asked the young man. "No, my wife and I have had these same seats for 40 years, but she's dead now," replied the old man. The young man then asked why the old man didn't bring any friends or relatives to the game. The old man responded, "They're all at the funeral."
Steve Spurrier died and went to heaven. Upon meeting St. Peter at the pearly white gates, St. Peter says," Good to see you Steve, we have a huge house waiting for you." Spurrier was pleased by this news until he arrived at his so called huge house. Turns out it was a pretty small house with lots of south carolina flags flying outside of it. Needless to say, Steve was pissed. He went to St. Peter and said, "No disrespect, but I thought you said my house was huge." St. Peter replied, " It is considered a very huge house here in Heaven, most people don't even get a house." Having learned this Spurrier was once again happy. On his way back to his house he noticed a mansion with UT flags and banners flying everywhere. Once again, Steve was pissed. He went back to St. Peter and said,"Once again, no disrespect, but why does Fulmer get a house bigger than mine?" St. Peter replied, "Are you talking about the house with all the UT paraphenalia?"
"Yes," replied Steve.
"Why that's not Fulmers' house, it's GODS'"
At their annual meeting before the beginning of the season, all the top twenty Division I football coaches decided on having golden phones installed in all their respective offices. One day, a recruit named Joe walked into Coach Dubose's office and saw his golden phone sitting there. "Wow" Joe exclaimed, "What's that?" Tom responded, "Well, my son, that there is a golden phone. Its a direct line to Heaven." "Wow, that's pretty neat," Joe responded, "Do you think I could make a phone call on that phone?" "Well, It's gonna cost you about $100. And the check needs to be payable to the University of Alabama Probation Fund," said Dubose. "That's a lot of money, I don't think it would be worth it to spend that much money. Thanks though." Joe replied as he walked out of Coach Dubose's office.
A few weeks later, Joe took a campus visit to Florida State and went to Bobby Bowden's office. Again, he noticed the golden phone sitting on the coach's desk. "What exactly is that phone for, Coach Bowden?" he asked. "Well, son, that there is a direct line to heaven," Bowden replied. That's pretty neat," Joe replied, "Do you think I could make a phone call on that phone? "Well sure, but its gonna cost you about $50 payable to the Bobby Bowden/Burt Reynolds/Deon Sanders Honorarium Fund." replied the coach. "Oh, never mind then." Joe shook his head. "I don't have that kind of money. Thanks though." And Joe walked out of the office.
The next weekend, Joe visited Knoxville, TN, home of the Volunteers. Being as he was a recruit, the first place he was directed was Coach Fulmer's office. Again, he saw the golden phone sitting there and asked if it was the golden phone to heaven. Coach Fulmer nodded, and Joe asked if he could make a call on it. Coach Fulmer replied, "Well, sure you can, but it will cost you a quarter. Upon hearing this Joe's eyes got real big and said, "Really? Then why did Coach Dubose and Coach Bowden tell me it would cost so much more? Coach looked up from behind his desk and smiled, saying, "Because, my boy, here in Knoxville, it's a local call!"
And finally the best joke I've heard in a long time Cal fans actually think they are going to win
ost-4-1090547912:
