I need some advice..

[allstar34bd]

In December, the lady I had been with since 24(now 29 1/2) and I broke up. I had a really hard year last year with confidence and self worth after leaving my job in sales (9 years) and then covid hit a month later and I couldn't find a decent career path hiring at the time. I was making 70-100k since 26 yrs old and I just felt like a failure when I couldn't find anything that was even close to that here. I sunk into a hole I couldn't pull myself out of and I didn't even realize it until everything came crashing down. My girlfriend and mom both reached out to me asking if things were okay but I was way to ashamed and prideful to let them know how bad I was struggling mentally. My weeks passed by like they were just a single day. I was there in body; but I wasn't there emotionally for my girlfriend. In my mind, I'd do anything in the world for this girl; whatever she needed I'd provide...but I didn't provide the thing she needed the most and that was someone to be there emotionally for her. I was completely empty and lost and didn't know how to tell anyone because I didn't want them to worry for me. Drinking has always been a crutch for me that I would over do and "think" it was relieving the stress of my job; but early last year I was drinking way to heavily to try and just forget the world and all my problems. I've been without alcohol now for about 6 months and the mental clarity has been amazing. The struggle I'm having now is being back alone. Its been about a month and a half since we split and I just miss her so much. I've never experienced a pain like losing the one you love and envision the rest of your life with. My friends want me to go out to bars and try to meet girls with them.. But there is two problems with that.. I don't need to be around alcohol with the way I'm feeling and I don't want any other woman on this Earth. She just doesn't feel the same and I understand that. Having someone be emotionally absent for 8 months will cause people to doubt themselves and feel unloved. I just don't know how to move on. I feel like I can't fix my relationship with her; because I've tried and tried to make it right but she's unresponsive to it. She just wants to focus on graduating nursing school and she's had too much stress on her from the issues we had last year. I also don't know how to fix myself and move on. I have had short term relationships for "FUN" and the benefits; but she's the only girl I've ever loved. I'm just lost. I go to the gym, I try to read and learn new things, and I try to find happiness in the blessings I have; but I just can't get her off my mind. I can't sleep. I'm just drained.

My question is, knowing I'm a Tennessee fan and knowing we don't give up no matter how bad things look (Last 15 years) . How do I move on.... How do I try and give up on what's no longer my future.

 

[vollygirl]

First, I hate this for you. Second, you really do seem to have a good handle on things.

You already know what you need to do: take care of yourself. Whether that's finding a good counselor or therapist, or continuing to engage in new things, meet new people, or whatever.

Breakups are just hard. Grieve the loss of the relationship, and then figure out how to accept the fact that your future is in front of you and the possibilities are endless. You have no idea who you are going to meet. Someone is out there, and you won't just think you are doing everything she needs.....you'll actually be doing it. She'll be doing the same for you. That's how you'll know.

 

[VolFaninFla]

In December, the lady I had been with since 24(now 29 1/2) and I broke up. I had a really hard year last year with confidence and self worth after leaving my job in sales (9 years) and then covid hit a month later and I couldn't find a decent career path hiring at the time. I was making 70-100k since 26 yrs old and I just felt like a failure when I couldn't find anything that was even close to that here. I sunk into a hole I couldn't pull myself out of and I didn't even realize it until everything came crashing down. My girlfriend and mom both reached out to me asking if things were okay but I was way to ashamed and prideful to let them know how bad I was struggling mentally. My weeks passed by like they were just a single day. I was there in body; but I wasn't there emotionally for my girlfriend. In my mind, I'd do anything in the world for this girl; whatever she needed I'd provide...but I didn't provide the thing she needed the most and that was someone to be there emotionally for her. I was completely empty and lost and didn't know how to tell anyone because I didn't want them to worry for me. Drinking has always been a crutch for me that I would over do and "think" it was relieving the stress of my job; but early last year I was drinking way to heavily to try and just forget the world and all my problems. I've been without alcohol now for about 6 months and the mental clarity has been amazing. The struggle I'm having now is being back alone. Its been about a month and a half since we split and I just miss her so much. I've never experienced a pain like losing the one you love and envision the rest of your life with. My friends want me to go out to bars and try to meet girls with them.. But there is two problems with that.. I don't need to be around alcohol with the way I'm feeling and I don't want any other woman on this Earth. She just doesn't feel the same and I understand that. Having someone be emotionally absent for 8 months will cause people to doubt themselves and feel unloved. I just don't know how to move on. I feel like I can't fix my relationship with her; because I've tried and tried to make it right but she's unresponsive to it. She just wants to focus on graduating nursing school and she's had too much stress on her from the issues we had last year. I also don't know how to fix myself and move on. I have had short term relationships for "FUN" and the benefits; but she's the only girl I've ever loved. I'm just lost. I go to the gym, I try to read and learn new things, and I try to find happiness in the blessings I have; but I just can't get her off my mind. I can't sleep. I'm just drained.

My question is, knowing I'm a Tennessee fan and knowing we don't give up no matter how bad things look (Last 15 years) . How do I move on.... How do I try and give up on what's no longer my future.

I understand how brutal a breakup can be. I went through a divorce that left me feeling lonely and empty. I lost 26 lbs in six weeks.
After a particularly sad Valentines Day, I joined a divorce support group. It has proven to be one of the best decisions I have ever made. Some if the people I met in the group have become family to me.
I can help you find a group. What zip code do you live in?

 

[allstar34bd]

I understand how brutal a breakup can be. I went through a divorce that left me feeling lonely and empty. I lost 26 lbs in six weeks.
After a particularly sad Valentines Day, I joined a divorce support group. It has proven to be one of the best decisions I have ever made. Some if the people I met in the group have become family to me.
I can help you find a group. What zip code do you live in?

Thank you, 35055

 

[BigO95]

In December, the lady I had been with since 24(now 29 1/2) and I broke up. I had a really hard year last year with confidence and self worth after leaving my job in sales (9 years) and then covid hit a month later and I couldn't find a decent career path hiring at the time. I was making 70-100k since 26 yrs old and I just felt like a failure when I couldn't find anything that was even close to that here. I sunk into a hole I couldn't pull myself out of and I didn't even realize it until everything came crashing down. My girlfriend and mom both reached out to me asking if things were okay but I was way to ashamed and prideful to let them know how bad I was struggling mentally. My weeks passed by like they were just a single day. I was there in body; but I wasn't there emotionally for my girlfriend. In my mind, I'd do anything in the world for this girl; whatever she needed I'd provide...but I didn't provide the thing she needed the most and that was someone to be there emotionally for her. I was completely empty and lost and didn't know how to tell anyone because I didn't want them to worry for me. Drinking has always been a crutch for me that I would over do and "think" it was relieving the stress of my job; but early last year I was drinking way to heavily to try and just forget the world and all my problems. I've been without alcohol now for about 6 months and the mental clarity has been amazing. The struggle I'm having now is being back alone. Its been about a month and a half since we split and I just miss her so much. I've never experienced a pain like losing the one you love and envision the rest of your life with. My friends want me to go out to bars and try to meet girls with them.. But there is two problems with that.. I don't need to be around alcohol with the way I'm feeling and I don't want any other woman on this Earth. She just doesn't feel the same and I understand that. Having someone be emotionally absent for 8 months will cause people to doubt themselves and feel unloved. I just don't know how to move on. I feel like I can't fix my relationship with her; because I've tried and tried to make it right but she's unresponsive to it. She just wants to focus on graduating nursing school and she's had too much stress on her from the issues we had last year. I also don't know how to fix myself and move on. I have had short term relationships for "FUN" and the benefits; but she's the only girl I've ever loved. I'm just lost. I go to the gym, I try to read and learn new things, and I try to find happiness in the blessings I have; but I just can't get her off my mind. I can't sleep. I'm just drained.

My question is, knowing I'm a Tennessee fan and knowing we don't give up no matter how bad things look (Last 15 years) . How do I move on.... How do I try and give up on what's no longer my future.

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
6In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

 

[allstar34bd]

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
6In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

Thank you, Sunday our pastor said something that stung me. He said that if we only ate one time a week and for only an hour we’d die of starvation. But we expect to live a life of fulfillment with only consuming the word for an hour once every Sunday. I’m going to do my best to set aside a time every night to read the Bible. We are going over forgiveness right now and it’s so much of what’s going on in my life. The problem I’m facing is I’m trying to fix something that can’t be fixed instead of learning and growing from this. I’m just having a hard time of letting go. I’ve got to forgive myself for failing and it’s hard to do.

 

[BigO95]

Thank you, Sunday our pastor said something that stung me. He said that if we only ate one time a week and for only an hour we’d die of starvation. But we expect to live a life of fulfillment with only consuming the word for an hour once every Sunday. I’m going to do my best to set aside a time every night to read the Bible. We are going over forgiveness right now and it’s so much of what’s going on in my life. The problem I’m facing is I’m trying to fix something that can’t be fixed instead of learning and growing from this. I’m just having a hard time of letting go. I’ve got to forgive myself for failing and it’s hard to do.

Friend you need to concentrate on fixing you. Not only read the Bible yield to it.

 

[BigO95]

It sounds like your pastor is really trying to help you.

 

[VolFaninFla]

Thank you, 35055

You mentioned a girlfriend but those breakups can be as traumatic as a divorce.

I was unable to find a group in 35055. However, I did find this link. You may want to reach out to some of these groups as they may be able to guide you in the right direction.
Alabama Directory of Divorce Support Groups - Divorce HQ

Here is information for a book that was helpful to many of us. Some of us would meet and discuss the book. Very helpful.


YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=relationship+breakups

 

[MAD]

In December, the lady I had been with since 24(now 29 1/2) and I broke up. I had a really hard year last year with confidence and self worth after leaving my job in sales (9 years) and then covid hit a month later and I couldn't find a decent career path hiring at the time. I was making 70-100k since 26 yrs old and I just felt like a failure when I couldn't find anything that was even close to that here. I sunk into a hole I couldn't pull myself out of and I didn't even realize it until everything came crashing down. My girlfriend and mom both reached out to me asking if things were okay but I was way to ashamed and prideful to let them know how bad I was struggling mentally. My weeks passed by like they were just a single day. I was there in body; but I wasn't there emotionally for my girlfriend. In my mind, I'd do anything in the world for this girl; whatever she needed I'd provide...but I didn't provide the thing she needed the most and that was someone to be there emotionally for her. I was completely empty and lost and didn't know how to tell anyone because I didn't want them to worry for me. Drinking has always been a crutch for me that I would over do and "think" it was relieving the stress of my job; but early last year I was drinking way to heavily to try and just forget the world and all my problems. I've been without alcohol now for about 6 months and the mental clarity has been amazing. The struggle I'm having now is being back alone. Its been about a month and a half since we split and I just miss her so much. I've never experienced a pain like losing the one you love and envision the rest of your life with. My friends want me to go out to bars and try to meet girls with them.. But there is two problems with that.. I don't need to be around alcohol with the way I'm feeling and I don't want any other woman on this Earth. She just doesn't feel the same and I understand that. Having someone be emotionally absent for 8 months will cause people to doubt themselves and feel unloved. I just don't know how to move on. I feel like I can't fix my relationship with her; because I've tried and tried to make it right but she's unresponsive to it. She just wants to focus on graduating nursing school and she's had too much stress on her from the issues we had last year. I also don't know how to fix myself and move on. I have had short term relationships for "FUN" and the benefits; but she's the only girl I've ever loved. I'm just lost. I go to the gym, I try to read and learn new things, and I try to find happiness in the blessings I have; but I just can't get her off my mind. I can't sleep. I'm just drained.

My question is, knowing I'm a Tennessee fan and knowing we don't give up no matter how bad things look (Last 15 years) . How do I move on.... How do I try and give up on what's no longer my future.

I really admire you for being able to lay it all out there for the world to see. I know it’s not easy. You are a great role model for a lot of us who struggle with keeping everything inside. Thank you.

 

[allstar34bd]

I really admire you for being able to lay it all out there for the world to see. I know it’s not easy. You are a great role model for a lot of us who struggle with keeping everything inside. Thank you.

29 years of holding things in is what finally broke me. I always tried to worry about others problems and help them but I never told anyone what I was going through. Never. Growing up with a single mother and a younger sister, I thought I always had to be strong for them but sometimes being strong is having the courage to talk about yourself too. I just wish I would have discovered that so long ago. My mom is my hero and I just always wanted her to be proud of me. I didn’t want her to know I was going through a tough time.

 

[joevol33]

Thank you, Sunday our pastor said something that stung me. He said that if we only ate one time a week and for only an hour we’d die of starvation. But we expect to live a life of fulfillment with only consuming the word for an hour once every Sunday. I’m going to do my best to set aside a time every night to read the Bible. We are going over forgiveness right now and it’s so much of what’s going on in my life. The problem I’m facing is I’m trying to fix something that can’t be fixed instead of learning and growing from this. I’m just having a hard time of letting go. I’ve got to forgive myself for failing and it’s hard to do.

Hang in there man, Prayers for you.

 

[OldandStillaVol]

One thing that helped me when I got divorced was joining a Disciple Bible Study group at a local church. There were about 20 of us; we met Sunday evenings but had weekly reading assignments. There was a wide range of people there, young, old, men, women, married, single..., We argued some but laughed a lot. I learned a huge amount over about six months. Just meeting new people, discussing serious topics, and hearing different opinions was refreshing for me. Maybe your pastor can point you to something similar. Hang in there. A lot of us have been there and come out better on the other side.

 

[VOL-TIL-I-DIE]

In December, the lady I had been with since 24(now 29 1/2) and I broke up. I had a really hard year last year with confidence and self worth after leaving my job in sales (9 years) and then covid hit a month later and I couldn't find a decent career path hiring at the time. I was making 70-100k since 26 yrs old and I just felt like a failure when I couldn't find anything that was even close to that here. I sunk into a hole I couldn't pull myself out of and I didn't even realize it until everything came crashing down. My girlfriend and mom both reached out to me asking if things were okay but I was way to ashamed and prideful to let them know how bad I was struggling mentally. My weeks passed by like they were just a single day. I was there in body; but I wasn't there emotionally for my girlfriend. In my mind, I'd do anything in the world for this girl; whatever she needed I'd provide...but I didn't provide the thing she needed the most and that was someone to be there emotionally for her. I was completely empty and lost and didn't know how to tell anyone because I didn't want them to worry for me. Drinking has always been a crutch for me that I would over do and "think" it was relieving the stress of my job; but early last year I was drinking way to heavily to try and just forget the world and all my problems. I've been without alcohol now for about 6 months and the mental clarity has been amazing. The struggle I'm having now is being back alone. Its been about a month and a half since we split and I just miss her so much. I've never experienced a pain like losing the one you love and envision the rest of your life with. My friends want me to go out to bars and try to meet girls with them.. But there is two problems with that.. I don't need to be around alcohol with the way I'm feeling and I don't want any other woman on this Earth. She just doesn't feel the same and I understand that. Having someone be emotionally absent for 8 months will cause people to doubt themselves and feel unloved. I just don't know how to move on. I feel like I can't fix my relationship with her; because I've tried and tried to make it right but she's unresponsive to it. She just wants to focus on graduating nursing school and she's had too much stress on her from the issues we had last year. I also don't know how to fix myself and move on. I have had short term relationships for "FUN" and the benefits; but she's the only girl I've ever loved. I'm just lost. I go to the gym, I try to read and learn new things, and I try to find happiness in the blessings I have; but I just can't get her off my mind. I can't sleep. I'm just drained.

My question is, knowing I'm a Tennessee fan and knowing we don't give up no matter how bad things look (Last 15 years) . How do I move on.... How do I try and give up on what's no longer my future.

Can relate to all of this. Went through the same type of thing about 3 years ago. I’m just a few years older than you so I get it. In order for me to get over not having “that person” I found talkspace (on the App Store) and found a pretty good counselor/ therapist. Disclaimer: Therapy isn’t a sign of weakness. There are a few others options now; and some insurances will cover it under telehealth. You need to find what I called “me” time. Find a new hobby or rekindle an old one to consume your mind. For example mine was building model airplanes (I know so odd but if I started to get hung up I’d take that box out and build that model to channel that frustration, sadness etc.) Had one friend who would get “hung up” and he learned how to cook all kinds of stuff during his “me time”. Used what he learned to wine and dine and to land his current wife LOL.

Already on the right path by learning new things. I know you feel like your world is spinning out of control since she is non responsive. But you have the power to stop the spinning; which you’ve already done by eliminating alcohol from your everyday life! I saw you believe and that’s great continue your involvement with the church. Just take this “me” time and self reflect and work on yourself. Don’t dwell on how can I fix this to gain her back. Dwell on, what can I do to better myself for the future? You’ll get through this; it feels like hell now but with time it shall pass.

If I can be of ANY help just @ me. I know what it’s like to be here and it sucks.

GBO!

 

[PEPPERJAX]

In December, the lady I had been with since 24(now 29 1/2) and I broke up. I had a really hard year last year with confidence and self worth after leaving my job in sales (9 years) and then covid hit a month later and I couldn't find a decent career path hiring at the time. I was making 70-100k since 26 yrs old and I just felt like a failure when I couldn't find anything that was even close to that here. I sunk into a hole I couldn't pull myself out of and I didn't even realize it until everything came crashing down. My girlfriend and mom both reached out to me asking if things were okay but I was way to ashamed and prideful to let them know how bad I was struggling mentally. My weeks passed by like they were just a single day. I was there in body; but I wasn't there emotionally for my girlfriend. In my mind, I'd do anything in the world for this girl; whatever she needed I'd provide...but I didn't provide the thing she needed the most and that was someone to be there emotionally for her. I was completely empty and lost and didn't know how to tell anyone because I didn't want them to worry for me. Drinking has always been a crutch for me that I would over do and "think" it was relieving the stress of my job; but early last year I was drinking way to heavily to try and just forget the world and all my problems. I've been without alcohol now for about 6 months and the mental clarity has been amazing. The struggle I'm having now is being back alone. Its been about a month and a half since we split and I just miss her so much. I've never experienced a pain like losing the one you love and envision the rest of your life with. My friends want me to go out to bars and try to meet girls with them.. But there is two problems with that.. I don't need to be around alcohol with the way I'm feeling and I don't want any other woman on this Earth. She just doesn't feel the same and I understand that. Having someone be emotionally absent for 8 months will cause people to doubt themselves and feel unloved. I just don't know how to move on. I feel like I can't fix my relationship with her; because I've tried and tried to make it right but she's unresponsive to it. She just wants to focus on graduating nursing school and she's had too much stress on her from the issues we had last year. I also don't know how to fix myself and move on. I have had short term relationships for "FUN" and the benefits; but she's the only girl I've ever loved. I'm just lost. I go to the gym, I try to read and learn new things, and I try to find happiness in the blessings I have; but I just can't get her off my mind. I can't sleep. I'm just drained.

My question is, knowing I'm a Tennessee fan and knowing we don't give up no matter how bad things look (Last 15 years) . How do I move on.... How do I try and give up on what's no longer my future.

Don’t sit around and dwell on it. Do other things that make you happy or relieve stress especially since you are avoiding alcohol. Find a chick with common interests at church if you do attend on Sunday. Further your education and complete nursing school.

 

[PKT_VOL]

Read Meditations by Marcus Aurelius ( George Long translation).

 

[allstar34bd]

Don’t sit around and dwell on it. Do other things that make you happy or relieve stress especially since you are avoiding alcohol. Find a chick with common interests at church if you do attend on Sunday. Further your education and complete nursing school.

She’s in nursing school, not me . I’d be even crazier if I tried to complete that. I graduated with Business Admin Degree and Marketing

 

[508mikey]

She’s in nursing school, not me . I’d be even crazier if I tried to complete that. I graduated with Business Admin Degree and Marketing

Have you found another job yet ?

 

[SDV]

Sorry to hear. Just don’t rush into anything. Take time and concentrate on yourself. You’ll find someone else when the time is right.

 

[allstar34bd]

Have you found another job yet ?

Last year one of my best friends opened up a roofing company. Basically we mostly sell insurance jobs through inspections , some finance, and cash jobs and have crews that put them on. It’s not what I am going to do forever. I honestly just started with him when he told me he wanted to open a business because it would get me out of the house and be a steady stream of income. I also help him with his marketing and ads. It’s just an easy job to get my head straight and reset myself.