On Pamela Anderson: “You’ve caused me to spill more seed than Muhammed Ali at a bird feeder.”
On George Hamilton: “You’re like Tang. You’re dry and orange and no one has given a f–k about you since 1968.”
On Hulk Hogan: “I can’t imagine why your wife left you. You’re an old man who dresses like a Hooters waitress… You had a reality show called ‘Hogan Knows Best.’ It should’ve been called ‘Hogan Grows Breasts.’”
On Jerry Springer: You were an aide to Bobby Kennedy, which probably explains your connection to Hasselhoff: I guess you like to hang around guys whose careers end on a hotel floor. That’s a good joke, everybody.”
On Hasselhoff: “You used to have a car that started when you talked to it, now you have a car that won’t start when you blow into it.” (And my favorite“Your liver is so shriveled, black, and dead, if you put your ear to your side, you can hear it go, ‘Whatchoo talkin bout, Willis?’“
