Gratuitous Joke Thread

#1
MemphisVol

MemphisVol

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#1
From a Class on Cultural History: During the Crusades, it was not only common for knights to put chastity belts on their women when they went, but to leave weird will-like documents behind entrusting the key to the belts to a friend with the proviso that, if worse came to worse, after a certain number of years, the belt should be unlocked....

In a bunch of different medaeval records, a standard joke is where the knight sets off for the Holy Land and Destiny, then, 10 miles down the road, the friend catches up on a lathered horse and gasps, "Damn, dude, you gave me the wrong key."
 
#3
#3
(MemphisVol @ Mar 22 said:
From a Class on Cultural History: During the Crusades, it was not only common for knights to put chastity belts on their women when they went, but to leave weird will-like documents behind entrusting the key to the belts to a friend with the proviso that, if worse came to worse, after a certain number of years, the belt should be unlocked....

In a bunch of different medaeval records, a standard joke is where the knight sets off for the Holy Land and Destiny, then, 10 miles down the road, the friend catches up on a lathered horse and gasps, "Damn, dude, you gave me the wrong key."
Click to expand...
:lolabove: After all, what are friends for :cool: :devilsmoke:
 
#6
#6
Rejected Titles for the movie Brokeback Mountain:

- "PRANCES WITH WOLVES"
- "JEREMIAH'S JOHNSON"
- "BUTCH ASSIDY AND THE BUNDANCE KID"
- "THE MAN WHO SHOT ALL OVER LIBERTY VALANCE"
- "HOW THE WEST WAS HUNG"
- "THE LEGEND OF THE LONG RANGER"
- "DOC'S HOLIDAY WITH BILLY THE KID"
- "LONESOME DOUG"
- "DESTRY RIDES AGAIN... AND AGAIN"
- "MCCABE AND MR. MILLER"
- "HI, PLAINS DRIFTER!"
- "THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN INCHES"
- "QUICKLY DOWN UNDER"
- "BAREBACK MOUNTING"
- "BONE-NANZA"
- "DON'T MESS WITH TEX' ASS"
- "HOME ON THE RANGER"
- "OKLAHOMO"
- "ROOSTER COCKBURN"
- "LITTLE BATHHOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE"
- "BALONEY PONY RODEO"
- "TUBESTEAK COWBOYS"
- "SILVER-ROD-Ohhh!!!"
 
#9
#9
:lolabove: :lolabove: :lolabove: :lolabove: :lolabove: :lolabove: :lolabove: :lolabove: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
 
#10
#10
(checkerboard_charly @ Mar 22 said:
what do a fat white chick and a brick have in common?
sooner or later they will get laid by a mexican. :eek:lol: :eek:lol: :eek:lol: :eek:lol:
Click to expand...
:eek:lol: :eek:lol: :eek:lol: :eek:lol: :eek:lol: :eek:lol: :eek:lol: :eek:lol: :eek:lol: :eek:lol:
 
#12
#12
What's the hardest part about being a skateboarder?

Telling your parents you're gay.
 
#13
#13
Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees a
Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.

"My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf!"

The wolf jumps up and runs away. Further down the road Little Red
Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched behind
a bush.

My, what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf!"

Again the wolf jumps up and runs away. About two miles down the
Road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is
crouched down behind a rock.

"My, what big teeth you have, Mr. Wolf!"

With that the wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you knock it off?
I'm trying to poop!
 
#14
#14
Guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder...points at the beer tap. As the barkeep sits down his beer, he glances at the parrot and he says where'd ya get him? Parrot says I won him in a raffle............
 
#15
#15
A lady gets on the bus with her baby and the bus driver says "that is the ugliest baby I have ever seen, you should go to the back of the bus where you won't scare my customers."

The lady goes back to her seat fuming. A stranger noticed the red faced lady and says, "what is wrong?"

To which the lady replies, "the bus driver just said one of the meanest things you could ever say to the lady."

Eager to help the stranger says, "you should go up there and give the driver a piece of your mind. Here I will hold your monkey for you"
 
#16
#16
(Lexvol @ Jun 19 said:
A lady gets on the bus with her baby and the bus driver says "that is the ugliest baby I have ever seen, you should go to the back of the bus where you won't scare my customers."

The lady goes back to her seat fuming. A stranger noticed the red faced lady and says, "what is wrong?"

To which the lady replies, "the bus driver just said one of the meanest things you could ever say to the lady."

Eager to help the stranger says, "you should go up there and give the driver a piece of your mind. Here I will hold your monkey for you"
Click to expand...


:lolabove: :lolabove: :lolabove:
 
#17
#17
Little boy comes downstairs and asks "What's for breakfast?"
"Nothing until you do your chores." Mom replies
The boy stomps out to the barn yard. As he finishes slopping the hog he smacks him with the bucket. As he's gathering the eggs he kicks the chickens across the coop. After milking the cow he kicks her as she leaves the barn. He then goes back to the house and says "Now, what's for breakfast?"
"Well, you were having bacon and eggs and milk and cereal." " However, since you hit the hog: no bacon for a month, kicking the chickens gets you no eggs for a month, and kicking the cow gets you no milk for a month. So that means dry toast for you this morning."
Just then Dad comes into the kitchen and almost trips over the cat and kicks him across the kitchen.

The boy looks at his mother and says " You gonna give him the bad news or do you want me to?"
 
#19
#19
Little Johny walks into the bathroom to find his mom naked and taking a shower.

He says, "MOM!! What is THAT???"

His mom hesitates, and says, "That's where the Indian hit me with the hatchet."

Then Little Johny says, "WOW!! He got you in the p*##y good!!"
 
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