hohenfelsvol
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Subject: Golfers
Know Your Game, Golf, That Is.
1. A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck.
2. It's not a gimme, if you're still away.
3. Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.
4. Never buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.
5. If it ain't broke, try changing your grip.
6. Hazards attract; fairways repel.
7. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.
8. A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
9. It's surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt when you are lying
10. Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.
11. The game of golf is 90% mental and 10% mental.
12. No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play
worse.
13. Any change works for a maximum of three holes and a minimum of not
at all.
14. Never try to keep more than 300 separate though ts in your mind
during your swing.
15. Golfers who claim they don't cheat, also lie.
16. The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his
ideas about your golf swing.
17. Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is
like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.
18. If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your
ball is in the bunker.
19. There are two kinds of bounces: unfair bounces, and bounces just
the way you meant to play it.
20. You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch
90% of the time.
21. You can put "draw" on the ball, you can put "fade" on the ball, but
no golfer can put "straight" on the ball.
22. When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit
one more club or two more balls.
23. If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try
to lay up just shor t of a water hazard.
24. Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is
actually the beginning of the next group of three.
25. Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two
triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.
26. The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination
of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate
for all your errors.
27. There are two things you can learn by stopping your back swing at
the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you
have, and which one is wearing the
glove.
28. When you look up and cause an awful shot, you will always look down
again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball
if you ever want to see it again.
29. If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the
foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you ha ve two options: you
can immediately shank a lay-up, or you can wait
until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there.
30. The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a
straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large
tree.
31. To calculate the speed of a player's downswing, multiply the speed
of his back swing by his handicap. Example: back swing 30 mph, handicap
20, downswing 600 mph.
32. If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at
a much earlier age.
Know Your Game, Golf, That Is.
1. A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck.
2. It's not a gimme, if you're still away.
3. Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.
4. Never buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.
5. If it ain't broke, try changing your grip.
6. Hazards attract; fairways repel.
7. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.
8. A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
9. It's surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt when you are lying
10. Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.
11. The game of golf is 90% mental and 10% mental.
12. No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play
worse.
13. Any change works for a maximum of three holes and a minimum of not
at all.
14. Never try to keep more than 300 separate though ts in your mind
during your swing.
15. Golfers who claim they don't cheat, also lie.
16. The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his
ideas about your golf swing.
17. Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is
like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.
18. If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your
ball is in the bunker.
19. There are two kinds of bounces: unfair bounces, and bounces just
the way you meant to play it.
20. You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch
90% of the time.
21. You can put "draw" on the ball, you can put "fade" on the ball, but
no golfer can put "straight" on the ball.
22. When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit
one more club or two more balls.
23. If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try
to lay up just shor t of a water hazard.
24. Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is
actually the beginning of the next group of three.
25. Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two
triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.
26. The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination
of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate
for all your errors.
27. There are two things you can learn by stopping your back swing at
the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you
have, and which one is wearing the
glove.
28. When you look up and cause an awful shot, you will always look down
again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball
if you ever want to see it again.
29. If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the
foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you ha ve two options: you
can immediately shank a lay-up, or you can wait
until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there.
30. The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a
straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large
tree.
31. To calculate the speed of a player's downswing, multiply the speed
of his back swing by his handicap. Example: back swing 30 mph, handicap
20, downswing 600 mph.
32. If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at
a much earlier age.
