Florida Man personifies all that is wrong with the state

I'm in Florida until Sunday. Anybody gonna bail me out if i can make the news!?
 
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John Legend stoke my challenge entry. We apparently share a birthday and when I google it all I get is articles about him tweeting the challenge.
 
From above article... this is gold

“He was trying to make it look like I left the stove on but who gets up at 2 a.m. and fixes sketti?" the victim told the WKMC-TV.

“It started out as a relationship, that lasted about a week," the victim told WKMC-TV. "I've let him use my car for four months, maybe he's angry about that. Or maybe he's angry because I gave him $150 to fix his teeth”
 
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