ESPN's Thoughts from the Trailer Trash

#1
MemphisVol

MemphisVol

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#1
“Every dog has his day," isn't exactly an inspirational saying if you're a dog, especially since, being a dog, you aren't exactly that clear on what constitutes your one day. One minute you could be chewing on a snausage, and the next the snausage was gone and the rest of your life sucks compared to that, but you didn't notice and nobody warned you. That's probably why dogs sleep so much.

 
#2
#2
"You can achieve anything that you put your mind to" isn't just Romantic drivel, especially if you have relatives in the police department and/or certain people die in convenient times and fashions.
 
#3
#3
I'm pretty sure, after sitting on hold for 2 hours listening to the utility company's sacharrine messages, that the Devil isn't the only one who can quote scripture.
 
#4
#4
I consider myself a scientist, yet it occurs to me that I've always accepted the truism, "there's more than one way to skin a cat," purely on Faith without exploring the proposition....
 
#6
#6
Contrary to popular folklore, two Bushes in the White House is alot less satisfying than just taking oneself in hand.
 
#7
#7
In times past we used to like to torture adolescent boys who'd never bought condoms before with the idea that they come in different sizes.

Now all of a sudden we're faced with Dick Cheney, and not having a prophylactic big enough to protect us from the consequences down the road of his screwing of our world doesn't seem so funny....
 
#10
#10
Size doesn't matter, it's how you use what you've got.

Unless, of course, you're big and talented.

Which would make you an *******.
 
#11
#11
Reason Why America Ranks 27th in the World in Education:

"Children are our future... so what's the rush?"
 
#13
#13
Contrary to certain academic opinion, Guthrie had nothing sexual or anti-semitic in mind when he declared that he would, "hammer in the morning."
 
#16
#16
It was probably a lot easier for Woody Guthrie's audience to deal with the contradiction of, "This Land is Your Land, This Land is My Land," considering, at the time, most of them were homeless.
 
#17
#17
Like my pappy used to say when I scraped my knee as a child: "It will get well before you get married."
 
#20
#20
There's a fine line between words and meaning which only happens between two minds in a particular place and time, i.e., when your menstrating girlfriend says, "No, really, I think football is healthy. I think you should just sit right there and watch it all day."
 
#24
#24
You can make new friends, but you can't make old friends.

You can get drunk and screw with a new friend, but if you and an old friend get plastered and do it, that's it, party's over- never going to work out and never going to be the same.
 
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