bammer joke

#1
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VolBeef88

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#1
A woman and her blind husband were traveling in Alabama and she wanted to go shopping. So she decided to drop him off at a bar and let him have a few beers while she shopped. After a little while the blind man hollered at the bar tender “you wanna hear a bammer joke?” The guy next to him said “I know your blind and may not know where you are so I’m gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and tell you. Mister you’re in the heart of Tide country. The bartender is a pretty big fella and is mean as a snake and he is a Tide grad. I’m over 6 feet tall, a black belt in Karate and I am a Tide man. The 2 guys to your left are both over 300 lbs and are former Alabama linemen. Are you sure you still wanna tell that bammer joke?” The blind man said “No, not if I’m gonna have to explain it 4 times!”



 
#6
#6
An Alabama fan an Auburn fan and a Tenn. fan get caught drinking in Saudi Arabia. They are taken to the king. He sentenced them to ten lashes, but grants each one, 1 request. The BAma fan requests a pillow be strapped to his back. After 3 lashes the pillow breaks. The Auburn fan says he wants 2 pillows strapped to his back. After 7 lashes the pillow breaks. Then the king tells the Tenn. fan that he watced UT play last year on TV and he kinda liked them, therefore he would give him 2 wishes. The UT fan then asks to receive 100 lashes. The king says "that's an odd request but OK, what's your second request?" I want the Bama fan strapped to my back.
 
#10
#10
It seems like I dont hear as many jokes as I used to, my fav was always.....

How do you get an Alabama graduate off of your front porch?

Pay for the pizza
 
#11
#11
Or....
Do you know why Alabama is thinking about going to artifical turf?

To stop the cheerleaders from grazing.
 
#12
#12
You know what you get when you put 32 Bama cheerleaders in the same room?


A full set of teeth.

You know how to get a Bama cheerleader in your dorm room?

Grease her hips and push real hard.
 
#13
#13
What do a tornado and an Alabama divorce have in common?




Somebody's losing a trailer.
 
#14
#14
Why do Bama Cheerleaders wear bibs during games.

It helps keep the Tobacco juice off their uniforms
 
#15
#15
what do Alabama graduates and tornados have in common?

they both move around a lot, but they always end up in trailer parks
 
#16
#16
A guy from ALABAMA passed away and left his entire
estate to his beloved widow, but she can't touch it 'til she's 14.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How do you know when you're staying in a ALABAMA hotel?
When you call the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in my
sink," and the clerk replies, "Go ahead."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How can you tell if a ALABAMA redneck is married?
There's dried tobacco juice on both sides of his
pickup truck.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking;
age in ALABAMA to 32?
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in ALABAMA?
Documentaries.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Where was the toothbrush invented? ALABAMA.
If it had been invented
anywhere else, it
would have been called a teeth brush.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An ALABAMA State trooper pulls over a pickup on I-64
and says to the driver, "Got any I.D.?"
and the driver replies "Bout wut?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you hear about the $3 million ALABAMA State Lottery?
The winner gets $300 a year for a million years.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The governor's mansion in ALABAMA burned down!
Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park. The
library was a total loss too. Both books---poof! Up in flames; and he hadn't even finished coloring one of them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A new law was recently passed in ALABAMA. When a couple
gets divorced, they are STILL cousins.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy walks into a bar in ALABAMA and orders a mudslide.
The bartender looks at the man and say s, "You ain't from 'round here are ya?
"No," replies the man, "I'm from Pennsylvania".
The bartender looks at him and says, "Well, what do ya
do in Pennsylvania?"
"I'm a taxidermist," said the man.
The bartender, looking very bewildered now, asks, "What
in the world is a tax-e-derm-ist?
"The man says,"I mount animals".
The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole
bar..."It's okay boys, he's one of us!"
 
#17
#17
(vader @ Jul 21 said:
A guy from ALABAMA passed away and left his entire
estate to his beloved widow, but she can't touch it 'til she's 14.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How do you know when you're staying in a ALABAMA hotel?
When you call the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in my
sink," and the clerk replies, "Go ahead."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How can you tell if a ALABAMA redneck is married?
There's dried tobacco juice on both sides of his
pickup truck.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking;
age in ALABAMA to 32?
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in ALABAMA?
Documentaries.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Where was the toothbrush invented? ALABAMA.
If it had been invented
anywhere else, it
would have been called a teeth brush.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An ALABAMA State trooper pulls over a pickup on I-64
and says to the driver, "Got any I.D.?"
and the driver replies "Bout wut?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you hear about the $3 million ALABAMA State Lottery?
The winner gets $300 a year for a million years.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The governor's mansion in ALABAMA burned down!
Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park. The
library was a total loss too. Both books---poof! Up in flames; and he hadn't even finished coloring one of them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A new law was recently passed in ALABAMA. When a couple
gets divorced, they are STILL cousins.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy walks into a bar in ALABAMA and orders a mudslide.
The bartender looks at the man and say s, "You ain't from 'round here are ya?
"No," replies the man, "I'm from Pennsylvania".
The bartender looks at him and says, "Well, what do ya
do in Pennsylvania?"
"I'm a taxidermist," said the man.
The bartender, looking very bewildered now, asks, "What
in the world is a tax-e-derm-ist?
"The man says,"I mount animals".
The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole
bar..."It's okay boys, he's one of us!"
Click to expand...

That is the funniest thing I have heard in awhile.....
 
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