Alabama jokes

#1
98utvols

98utvols

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#1
1. An Alabama State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-20. He says to the driver, "Got any ID?" The driver says, "Bout what?"

2. Q: Why did O. J. Simpson want to move to Alabama?
A: Everyone has the same DNA.

3. Q: Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Birmingham, Alabama burned down?
A: Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park.

4. A new law recently passed in Alabama: When a couple gets divorced, they're still brother and sister.

5. Q: What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas, and a hurricane in Florida have in common?
A: Somebody's fixin' to lose them a trailer.

6. It was recently announced that a franchise was building a new Taco Bell in Tuscaloosa. The University's response was "Why do we need another phone company?"

7. After Bear Bryant dies and enters the Pearly Gates, God takes him on a tour. He shows Bear a little two-bedroom house with a faded Alabama banner hanging from the front porch.

"This is your house, coach," God says happily."Most people don't get their own houses up here."

Bear looks at the house, then turns around and looks at the one sitting on top of the hill. It's a huge, beautiful two-story mansion with white marble columns and little patios under all the windows. Tennessee flags line both sides of the sidewalk and a huge UT banner hangs between the marble columns.

"Thanks for the house, God," Bear says. "But let me ask you a question. I get this little two-bedroom house with a faded banner and General Neyland gets a mansion with Tennessee banners and UT flags flying all over the place. Why is that?"

God looks at him seriously for a moment, then says, "Bear, that's not the General's house. That's mine."
 
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#2
#2
need to use pictures for fu%$#@gbama trolls. I don't give a damn about the whole state of ala...%$#@!@^ ( I can't even say it today)
 
#3
#3
An Alabama fan and a Tennessee fan were sitting on the front porch in 1981 admiring the Alabama fan’s dog. The Alabama fan remarked “He’s not just handsome and a good bird hunter, but he does back-flips every time Alabama beats Tennessee.”

The Tennessee fan asked: “What does he do when Tennessee beats Alabama?”

The Alabama fan replied: “I don’t know, he’s only 10 years old.”
 
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#5
#5
WiseOlVol said:
An Alabama fan and a Tennessee fan were sitting on the front porch in 1981 admiring the Alabama fan’s dog. The Alabama fan remarked “He’s not just handsome and a good bird hunter, but he does back-flips every time Alabama beats Tennessee.”

The Tennessee fan asked: “What does he do when Tennessee beats Alabama?”

The Alabama fan replied: “I don’t know, he’s only 10 years old.”
Click to expand...


Did you mean to put a pro Bama joke on here or did you just copy and paste the first one to come up in the Google search?
 
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#8
#8
A guy went to Tuscaloosa and picked up one of those new Mercedes. He was testing it out in the parking lot, turned on the radio and nothing happened. Furious, he demanded to see the sales manager, and told him "When I buy a $50,000 car I expect the dang radio to work." The sales manager explained to him that the radio had been programmed to his voice and all he had to do was tell the radio what he wanted to hear. He got back into the car and said "Country music," and old Willie Nelson started singing. "Rock and roll," he exclaimed, and immediately Elvis started crooning. "Easy listening," he remarked, and all at once it sounded like he was in an elevator. He was relaxed, driving up I-59 to Birmingham, and listening to smooth sounds. Then a pickup truck with two good ole boys almost ran him off the road. "Stupid rednecks!" he screamed. The radio immediately blurted out, "TOUCHdooooooooown AllaBAAAAAAAmaaa!!!!"
 
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#10
#10
Do you know why they can't have a nativity scene in Tuscaloosa?

Couldn't find three wise men or a virgin.
 
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#12
#12
Harvey+Updyke+crop.jpg



...biggest joke I could think of.
 
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#16
#16
Unfortunately the University of Alabama's Library burnt down.

It was a total loss.

Both books.

And the real tragedy was that only one had been colored in.
Posted via VolNation Mobile
 
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#20
#20
Two Alabamians are walking down different ends of a street toward each other and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray, what'cha got in th' bag?"

"Jus' some chickens.

"If I guess how many there are, can I have one?"

"I'll give you both of them."

"OK. Ummmmm......, five?"
 
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#21
#21
Two Bama fans were in a bar one night bragging about their latest accomplishment. The bartender noticed the two guys bragging to the women and curiosity got the best of him. "What's the good news?" he asked.

One of the men turned to the bartender and proudly said "Me and Bama Bob just put a puzzle together and it took us a year!"

"A year?" the bartender asked, "You guys are proud of that?"

"Hell yes!" said Bama Bob, "The box said up to four years!"
 
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#24
#24
Q: What's the first thing a girl from Alabama says after she loses her virginity?

A: Get off me daddy, you're crushing my cigarettes.
 
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