Airline Humor

#1
Jasongivm6

Jasongivm6

Senior Member
Joined
Sep 19, 2005
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#1
AIRLINE HUMOR
>
> Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to fly a
plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us
who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a
form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the
aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the
form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never
let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual
maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the
solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way,
Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
> S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
>
> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>
> P: Something loose in cockpit.
> S: Something tightened in cockpit.
>
> P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> S: Live bugs on back-order.
>
> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>
> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> S: Evidence removed.
>
> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>
> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> S: That's what friction locks are for.
>
> P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>
> P: Suspected crack in windshield.
> S: Suspect you're right.
>
> P: Number 3 engine missing.
> S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
>
> P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
> S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
>
> P: Target radar hums.
> S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
>
> P: Mouse in cockpit.
> S: Cat installed.
>
> And the best one for last..................
>
> P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
> S: Took hammer away from midget
>
 
#5
#5
Jasongivm6 said:
AIRLINE HUMOR
>
> Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to fly a
plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us
who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a
form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the
aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the
form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never
let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual
maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the
solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way,
Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
> S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
>
> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>
> P: Something loose in cockpit.
> S: Something tightened in cockpit.
>
> P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> S: Live bugs on back-order.
>
> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>
> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> S: Evidence removed.
>
> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>
> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> S: That's what friction locks are for.
>
> P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>
> P: Suspected crack in windshield.
> S: Suspect you're right.
>
> P: Number 3 engine missing.
> S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
>
> P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
> S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
>
> P: Target radar hums.
> S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
>
> P: Mouse in cockpit.
> S: Cat installed.
>
> And the best one for last..................
>
> P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
> S: Took hammer away from midget
>
Click to expand...

This guy gets it. But think he's a Pube 'r
 
#8
#8
'06 was a good joke year. '08 as well and '76. Knock knock jokes were the rage in '76. I remember them so they must'vd been the thing.
 
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Reactions: 1 person
#13
#13
MY3*VOLS said:
Welcome back, brah! Bring more airline humor.
Click to expand...


I do notice that when the stewardess or whatever they are called is really friendly and smiles when offering people peanuts that it looks like she is just smiling and calling everyone a penis or offering penis.
 
#15
#15
YorkVol said:
Nice bump, and what is wrong with being a resident of the Pub?
Click to expand...

Absolutely nothing. A lot of interesting threads in there. If I want to find out what everyone's favorite cake or soda is, I know where to go. Bottom line is it is all quality over there. My only complaint is there are not enough polls.
 
#17
#17
blupotato said:
Absolutely nothing. A lot of interesting threads in there. If I want to find out what everyone's favorite cake or soda is, I know where to go. Bottom line is it is all quality over there. My only complaint is there are not enough polls.
Click to expand...

racist, imo.
 
#18
#18
I always thought Yorkvol would fit in here. We need some more older folk to help keep up with these young'uns and their flip phones and whatnot
 
#19
#19
I would like to give Yorkie a preemptive "gtfo". Thanks and good luck in your future endeavours.
 
#22
#22
Wow, compliments and insults in one thread, I feel somewhat dirty and honored all at the same time.
 
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