Favorite UT or UF jokes

#26
#26
How many Gators does it take to change a tire?

Just 1, unless its a blowout, then they all show up.
----
A trainee priest is hearing confessions when a man admits to sodomy. Not remembering the penance for the sin, he beckons over an alter boy named Tim Tebow. He says "what does Father Smith usually give for sodomy?" Tim says back "A chocolate ice cream cone and a coke."
---
Tebows freshman year he wants to have fun out on the town, he goes up to Meyer and says, "Coach can I have $20 for a bj?"...Urban says, "That depends, you any good?"
 
Last edited:
#29
#29
The difference between a bowling ball and Florida girl... you can only fit three fingers in a bowling ball
 
#31
#31
volunator06 said:
what do tennessee and florida students have in common? they were all accepted at tennessee
Click to expand...

Shouldn't this read "they were all accepted at Florida"

I mean I could have gone there for 6k a year, instead I pay 35k a year to go to UT solely on the fact that I hate the Gators and Gainesville is a Sh**hole.
 
#32
#32
A woman wants a sophisticated sports car, saved and saved and scrimped and after 5 years she finally had enough money and credit to purchase this special car. So, she buys the car with all the fancy gear and takes it out for a ride, but with all the buttons she can't find the radio controls. She pushes every button on the console but....no luck. So she goes back to the dealership and complains about there being no radio, and the salesman says: on a car like this, the radio has to be very very special....in fact, it is voice activated. Girl asks: how do you get it to work? Salesman says: Radio on: And from a hidden speaker the radio comes on and says what station? Sales guy says: Rock music: Right there the radio plays Rolling Stones;
Guy says: Country music: Right there the radio plays Garth Brooks;
Guy says: Alternative: Radio plays Nirvana.
The girl is ecstatic. Takes the car out. Says: Oldies: On comes The Grateful Dead.
A bit later down the road, a car cuts in front of the girl, causes her to screech to a halt. She says: Idiot! On comes - Welcome to the Urban Meyer Show.


There was an UF grad who bought a horse from a minister. The minister said, "Say 'Praise the Lord' to make him go, and 'Amen' to make him stop." The UF grad took the horse and left. They were galloping at quite a fast pace when they suddenly approached a cliff. The Gator forgot what to do, and kept on yelling, "Stop! Stop!" until he finally remembered. He then yelled "Amen," and the horse stopped. Seeing that they were saved and only a few inches away from the cliff, the Gator was rejoiced and yelled, "Praise the Lord!"
 
#33
#33
If you saw a UT player riding a bike down the street would you swerve to miss him? Of course not, it may be your bike. Two UT cheerleaders were standing on different sides of the Tenn. river; one yells over to the other. "How do I get to the opposite side." The other one yells, "you're already there."
 
Last edited:
#34
#34
One day, two University of FL students were out turkey hunting for Thanksgiving. One of the students starts having a stroke and he thinks he is dieing, and he passes out. The other kid calls the police and says: "Hello, I think my partner here is dead - he isn't moving or anything." The operator replies: "Ok, its ok, go up to him and make sure he is dead." You hear a silence then all of a sudden you hear...BOOM! BOOM! The student comes back on the phone and says: "Yah, I took care of that, what now?"
 
#35
#35
Albert Einstein went to a party and asked people their I.Q.
....he asked this guy and the guy said,"120". Einstein said, "great, we can talk about nuclear fission". then he asked this girl and she said,"110" and he said "great, we can talk about the angle of the worlds axis." and finally he went up to this guy and the guy said,"51" and einstein said,"how bout them gators!"
 
#36
#36
A Florida school teachers ask her class to raise there hand if they were Gator fans. Everybody but one boy raised there hand. She ask why didn't you raise your are you not a gator fan. The boys say no i'm a Vols fan.The teacher ask why are you a Vols, the boy said my dads a Vols fan and my moms a Vols fan so that makes me a Vols fan. Well the teacher said if your dad was idiot and your mom wa a idiot would that make you a idiot? The boy said no teacher that tht would make me a gator fan! :rock:
 
#37
#37
A UF and a UT fan were driving in opposite directions one dark stormy night and the had a collision in the middile of the road. Both of them survived and were happy to so. To celebrate the UT FAN said to the UF fan "lets have a drink" and he pulled a bottle of Jack from the trunk of his car. The VOL poured the to a drink and said "lets put our differences behind us" The FL fan drank up and the said "go ahead my friend" and the UT fan said "no thanks ill wait until the cops arrive"
 
#39
#39
A Seminole, a Hurricane, and a Gator are all in the same car. Who's driving?
........The sheriff.
 
#40
#40
VolMaster14 said:
Not sure if we're crackin on Bama too since tm3 chimed in, but here goes...



Q. - How do you circumcise a Crimson Tide football player?

A. - Kick his sister in the mouth!
Click to expand...

How do you break a Bammer's finger? Hit him in the nose.
 
#41
#41
Q. - What are the requirments for attending the University of Florida?
A. - Showing up.
 
#42
#42
A reporter ask Urban Myers how many players is he dressing out for the game.Urban replies 10 the rest can dress there self!
 
#43
#43
Q. -What do you call a Gator with half of a brain?
A. -Gifted!

Q. -Why did Forrest Gump attend Alabama instead of Florida?
A. -He wanted the greater academic challenge.

Q. -If a stupid blonde, a smart Gator student, and Santa Claus were playing cards, who would win?
A. -The stupid blonde, the other two don't exist.
 
#44
#44
Tn fan, Bama fan, and Fl fan all walk out of a bar and see a naked woman lying dead. Out of respect the Tn fan puts his cap over her left breast, Bama fan over her right breast and FL fan over her other privates. Cop finally comes and interrogates, he picks up TN cap looks under and puts it back over breast, picks up Bama cap looks under and puts it back over breast, picks up FL cap looks under and puts it back over privates, picks it up 2nd time scratches his head and puts it back over privates, picks it up a 3rd time and the FL fan says "hey what are you some kind of pervert?" and the cop says "No, this is the 1st time I haven't found an a**hole under a Florida cap.
​
 
#46
#46
Q. - What is the first line they teach Florida grads to say at graduation?
A. - Would you like fries with that?

Q. - How does Coach "Weinie" Meyer keep the weight down on his players?
A. - He hides their food stamps in the play book.


Q. - What is the difference between the Moon and the Florida Gators?
A. - The Moon knows how to control the Tide.
 
#47
#47
Q. -How many Gator Freshman does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. -The Freshman don't know how, it's a Senior course.

Q. - Why were the Gator students confused in English class listening to the Professor explain what comes after a sentence?
A. -They thought what came after the sentence was the appeal

Q. -What do the Florida Gators and a Sand Castle have in common?
A. -They both look good until the TIDE ROLLS in.
 
#48
#48
Q. -What is the REAL reason the vote was messed up in South Florida in 2000?
A. -The supervisor of elections in the area is a Florida Graduate. (This is True)!

Q. -What is the new "Honor" system at the University of Florida?
A. -"Yes, Your Honor" and "No, Your Honor"
 
#49
#49
Q:how do you get a fl grad off your porch?
A: pay him for the pizza.
Q: whats the first thing a girl from fl says after sex?
A: get off me dad your squashing my cigarettes.
Q whats the first thing a fl girl see's after sex?
A: the dome light.
Q: what do you call a 13 year old virgin in fl?
A: quick
 
New posts
You must log in or register to reply here.

VN Store



Back
Top