If travelling to Memphis for the weekend, be sure to keep a copy of these with you and refer to them when needed.
Rules for Driving in Memphis:
Rule #1-- Remember that the goal of every Memphis driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.
Rule #2-- Turn signals are just clues as to your next move in road battle, so never use them.
Rule #3-- Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, no matter how fast you're going. If you do, the space will be filled in by somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
Rule #4-- Large SUV drivers think they're immortal, especially if they have 4WD; challenge them because they are usually women and cave in easily.
Rule #5-- The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
Rules #6-- Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive bodywork. They might not have much to lose, but you do.
Rule #7-- Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to insure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates.
Rule #8-- Construction signs tell you about road closures immediately after you pass the exit before the traffic begins to back up.
Rule #9-- The new electronic traffic warning system signs are not there to provide useful information, just to make Memphis look high-tech.
Rule #10-- Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.
Rule #11-- Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and apparently not enforceable in the metro area during rush hour.
Rule #12-- Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a Memphis driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
Rule #13-- Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush hour traffic in Memphis.
Rule #14-- Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even a person changing a tire and reflect on why you're glad you're not them.
Rule #15-- Throwing liter on the roads adds variety to the landscape, keeps the existing litter from getting lonely, and gives Adopt-a-Mile highway crews something to clean up.
Rule #16-- Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours (especially pickup truck drivers with stickers of Calvin on a Ford, Dodge, or Chevy logo).
Rule #17-- Learn to swerve abruptly. Memphis is the home of high-speed slalom driving thanks to MLGW, which puts manholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.
Rule #18-- It is traditional in Memphis to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes. This is a drag race isn't it?
Rule #19-- When the light turns green, put the pedal to the metal; gas is cheap in Memphis, and this is a drag race isn't it?
Rule #20-- Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way.
Rules #21-- Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding. (See Rule #5)
Rule #22-- A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting construction barrels.
Rule #23-- YOU MIGHT AS WELL STAY AT HOME IF IT'S SNOWING!
good luck and enjoy the game
Rules for Driving in Memphis:
Rule #1-- Remember that the goal of every Memphis driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.
Rule #2-- Turn signals are just clues as to your next move in road battle, so never use them.
Rule #3-- Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, no matter how fast you're going. If you do, the space will be filled in by somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
Rule #4-- Large SUV drivers think they're immortal, especially if they have 4WD; challenge them because they are usually women and cave in easily.
Rule #5-- The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
Rules #6-- Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive bodywork. They might not have much to lose, but you do.
Rule #7-- Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to insure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates.
Rule #8-- Construction signs tell you about road closures immediately after you pass the exit before the traffic begins to back up.
Rule #9-- The new electronic traffic warning system signs are not there to provide useful information, just to make Memphis look high-tech.
Rule #10-- Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.
Rule #11-- Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and apparently not enforceable in the metro area during rush hour.
Rule #12-- Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a Memphis driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
Rule #13-- Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush hour traffic in Memphis.
Rule #14-- Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even a person changing a tire and reflect on why you're glad you're not them.
Rule #15-- Throwing liter on the roads adds variety to the landscape, keeps the existing litter from getting lonely, and gives Adopt-a-Mile highway crews something to clean up.
Rule #16-- Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours (especially pickup truck drivers with stickers of Calvin on a Ford, Dodge, or Chevy logo).
Rule #17-- Learn to swerve abruptly. Memphis is the home of high-speed slalom driving thanks to MLGW, which puts manholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.
Rule #18-- It is traditional in Memphis to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes. This is a drag race isn't it?
Rule #19-- When the light turns green, put the pedal to the metal; gas is cheap in Memphis, and this is a drag race isn't it?
Rule #20-- Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way.
Rules #21-- Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding. (See Rule #5)
Rule #22-- A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting construction barrels.
Rule #23-- YOU MIGHT AS WELL STAY AT HOME IF IT'S SNOWING!
good luck and enjoy the game
lol:
