This isn't easy to talk about

#1

RDU VOL#14

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#1
My wife and I are really wanting to start a family. We got pregnant last March and lost the little one in May. It has absolutely crushed both of us, but I've really taken it hard. We are trying some things that will hopefully help us have a child, but we're both a little skeptical right now. We're really down.

Anyone who has gone through similar circumstances or even who hasn't, words of encouragement or positivity would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,

RDU vol#14
 
#2
#2
Hang in there and keep praying. My wife and I tried for years and even tried IVF unsuccessfully. After we almost gave up, my wife got pregnant naturally. We named her Faith. Don’t give up your hope and faith
 
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#3
#3
It’s rough man when you’re trying, and stuff like that happens. We experienced it when we first tried, and my wife had a lot of trouble with our first. We thought several times that she had lost her, but thankfully everything ended up being good. I’ll definitely keep you and her in my prayers, there’s nothing like being a parent imo. Sincerely hoping it works out for you guys.
 
#4
#4
All you can do is try try again. If that is what you both want. Sorry about your loss.
Also might want to see if either is fertile impaired. All I got. Best of luck to you.
 
#5
#5
You guys are awesome. I appreciate it guys and or gals. I really do. Positive thoughts are part of what we're trying to do, so we'll just keep rolling with it.
 
#6
#6
You guys are awesome. I appreciate it guys and or gals. I really do. Positive thoughts are part of what we're trying to do, so we'll just keep rolling with it.

My wife and I tried for a month got pregnant and lost it in July... But there is hope because we got pregnant again and now are expecting in September!

A couple of things, first is don't be overly pestamistic TRUST ME I UNDERSTAND YOUR PAIN... And the dynamics of being a husband in this situation (it's a different dynamic because there isn't a lot of consideration for you as opposed to your wife, which is understandable but still isn't easy).
Second, try again don't let it stop you from trying again. Just remember their was a time she was pregnant so that means it can for sure happen again... I am living proof.

Third, make sure your wife is ok and work on being a great husband.

Fourth, don't let one defeat turn into a total loss.

P.S. One thing I told myself was either I can sit here and pitty or be better for it (I know my child in heaven would appreciate my decision now)
 
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#7
#7
Nothing to offer except prayers for you and your wife.

And Caleb's advice is awesome.
 
#8
#8
It happens. It definitey sucks. We lost one in between our two girls. Just gotta stay positive and try again
 
#9
#9
A friend of mine and his wife tried for like 6 years and sadly lost 3. They tried everything medically out there and nothing worked. They gave up and like 2 years later had a healthy boy who is now 6. I can't imagine what you and yours is going through but my family is thinking and praying for you guys! Stay positive not only for your own self but for your wife.
 
#10
#10
My wife had 3 failed pregnancies before we finally had our first. It was a rough couple of years but we now have 2 amazing little boys.

My nickname for our oldest son was cuatro for a while. It still makes my wife smile

Our problem was genetic and once we knew the issue and the odds we realized it was going to be harder than others. After the third loss we made an appointment with a fertility doctor. Had to wait almost a month to get the appt but when we showed up she told us she wasn't needed since my wife was pregnant. Said stress can complicate things and the appt likely made my wife relax enough
 
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#11
#11
Thankfully I never experienced it myself but have some friends that had 2, lost 2 then had 1 more.

So I would say not to let it define your expectations. It is still very possible to have a successful pregnancy.

Just keep trying.
 
#13
#13
It took my mom and dad about 5 years, went through 1 pregnancy that came to full term and unfortunately she had heart and other issues and passed away in less than a week after birth.

Then, they had a miscarriage. My mom has said it was the hardest time in her life, but, she wasn't going to give up.

And they didn't. My sister was born about 18months after this, then me 2 years later.

No matter how hard and emotionally grueling, don't give up. Seek whatever solace gives you comfort, love your wife, and keep hope alive.
 
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#14
#14
It took my mom and dad about 5 years, went through 1 pregnancy that came to full term and unfortunately she had heart and other issues and passed away in less than a week after birth.

Then, they had a miscarriage. My mom has said it was the hardest time in her life, but, she wasn't going to give up.

And they didn't. My sister was born about 18months after this, then me 2 years later.

No matter how hard and emotionally grueling, don't give up. Seek whatever solace gives you comfort, love your wife, and keep hope alive.

Thank you for sharing that. I want everyone to know that there is no blame being placed or any resentment towards either one of us. We’ve learned a lot this past year and were very surprised to find out how many stories were similar to ours.

The great irony of it all is that I’m 35 and have spent the past 2 decades trying not to get someone pregnant and now that I’m trying I can’t. At least I’m finding some humor in it.
 
#16
#16
My wife and I are really wanting to start a family. We got pregnant last March and lost the little one in May. It has absolutely crushed both of us, but I've really taken it hard. We are trying some things that will hopefully help us have a child, but we're both a little skeptical right now. We're really down.

Anyone who has gone through similar circumstances or even who hasn't, words of encouragement or positivity would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,

RDU vol#14

Been married nearly 11 years. Wife miscarried a long time ago. Then she got stage 3 colon cancer. She beat it. 3 years later we started trying again. We were told she might not be able to have a baby because of chemo. We tried hard for like 2 years. We got to the point 2 years ago where we wrote it off. We weren't going to worry about it and if it didn't happen by age 35 (for her), we were going to adopt...and we were happy with that outlook. Then out of nowhere, she got pregnant. a little girl is coming in August.

I suggest you watch the movie Lion. It will make you feel great about the prospect of adoption. We decided we didn't want to spend a ton of money on a science baby when there are so many kids who need a good home. We may still end up adopting.

Good luck with everything.
 
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#17
#17
Been married nearly 11 years. Wife miscarried a long time ago. Then she got stage 3 colon cancer. She beat it. 3 years later we started trying again. We were told she might not be able to have a baby because of chemo. We tried hard for like 2 years. We got to the point 2 years ago where we wrote it off. We weren't going to worry about it and if it didn't happen by age 35 (for her), we were going to adopt...and we were happy with that outlook. Then out of nowhere, she got pregnant. a little girl is coming in August.

I suggest you watch the movie Lion. It will make you feel great about the prospect of adoption. We decided we didn't want to spend a ton of money on a science baby when there are so many kids who need a good home. We may still end up adopting.

Good luck with everything.

That’s great that you all are having a baby girl! And it’s wonderful that your wife was able to beat cancer like that. That’s tremendous. Very happy for you all. We’ve talked about adoption and are considering down the road if this continues not to work.
 
#18
#18
Also, marriages are easier/happier without kids and there are stats to back this up*. I would say do your best to stay in the present and enjoy your time alone. Don't dwell on the fact that you haven't had a kid, yet. Build your relationship. Take awesome vacations. That's what we have done.

We have several friends who have told us they look to us as a model relationship. I think there is something special about our relationship, but I also think it has to do with the fact that we don't have kids and they started having kids right away.

Then when you do end up having kids or adopting, you will likely have better memories and a stronger relationship than you otherwise would have.

*but then older couples with an empty nest are happier than older couple who never had kids.
 
#19
#19
It has been 23 years since the first that I lost and 8 years since the second. Keep praying. Stay strong. Don't try to understand or blame. Just be close to your wife.
 
#20
#20
not much to offer, and I am not sure this helps, but its more common than most people assume. Make sure you and your wife don't feel like weirdos for it happening to you.
 
#21
#21
not much to offer, and I am not sure this helps, but its more common than most people assume. Make sure you and your wife don't feel like weirdos for it happening to you.

We really had no idea how common it was for people to have a miscarriage until we had one. Then everyone kind of shared their stories mad that was very reassuring, much like you all in this thread.
 
#22
#22
My wife and I are really wanting to start a family. We got pregnant last March and lost the little one in May. It has absolutely crushed both of us, but I've really taken it hard. We are trying some things that will hopefully help us have a child, but we're both a little skeptical right now. We're really down.

Anyone who has gone through similar circumstances or even who hasn't, words of encouragement or positivity would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,

RDU vol#14

best of luck,
 
#23
#23
My nickname for our oldest son was cuatro for a while. It still makes my wife smile

We named our son after my grandfather, my father and myself. He's the IV. I told him I wanted to call him "Quad". He said "dad, that would have been so cool".
 
#24
#24
My wife and I are really wanting to start a family. We got pregnant last March and lost the little one in May. It has absolutely crushed both of us, but I've really taken it hard. We are trying some things that will hopefully help us have a child, but we're both a little skeptical right now. We're really down.

Anyone who has gone through similar circumstances or even who hasn't, words of encouragement or positivity would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,

RDU vol#14

the only advice I can tell you is pregnancy is alot like gambling. If you go to Vegas and must win, you'll loose your a**. If you go there with a dont care attitude you'll come back rich. If you try and try then fret over the nine month, more likely than not it will not work. Try to keep in mind that whatever the outcome you'll be happy. Yes I know. Easier said than done. Keep yalls chins up and relax.
 
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#25
#25
My wife and I are really wanting to start a family. We got pregnant last March and lost the little one in May. It has absolutely crushed both of us, but I've really taken it hard. We are trying some things that will hopefully help us have a child, but we're both a little skeptical right now. We're really down.

Anyone who has gone through similar circumstances or even who hasn't, words of encouragement or positivity would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,

RDU vol#14

My sister and her husband were told it was physically impossible for her to get pregnant..... she did.

A woman I worked with tried and tried and tried..... doctor told her she couldn't..... she now has two kids
 

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