McDad
I can't brain today; I has the dumb.
- Joined
- Jan 3, 2011
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Several years ago I was going to the grocery store and my wife asked me to buy some pancake mix along with quite a bit of other stuff.
As the guy was scanning the items, he noticed that the top of the pancake mix has a small tear in it and some pancake mix puffed out when he picked it up.
I said, "Thanks man, good eye"
I looked at him and he only had one working eye. The other one was blind and had that milky look. I realized how it sounded and was mortified. It was awkward.
Hit the wrong speed dial button. Told who I thought was a friend of mine (but was the client) that I was going to "slap her nekked and hide her clothes" when she said Hello.
The fact that I can only imagine hearing this in Ernest T Bass's voice makes this all the more enjoyable. Hope you thought you were calling more than just a friend to be talking to her like that!
Several years ago I was going to the grocery store and my wife asked me to buy some pancake mix along with quite a bit of other stuff.
As the guy was scanning the items, he noticed that the top of the pancake mix has a small tear in it and some pancake mix puffed out when he picked it up.
I said, "Thanks man, good eye"
I looked at him and he only had one working eye. The other one was blind and had that milky look. I realized how it sounded and was mortified. It was awkward.
I played in a golf tournament sponsored by my Dad's company and won the prize for Longest Drive. My Dad's secretary came up to me afterward and said "I heard the good news. congratulations."
My ego told me that clearly she was talking about that monstrous drive I had hit. She was, in fact, referencing the fact that my wife was pregnant which explains why her mouth dropped wide open when I replied "Yeah. I just got up there and hit it as hard as I could."
Thought I was emailing my wife my usual "I love and miss you" note that I sent her every morning while I was in the middle east to let he know I was still OK. The next thing I heard was my Captain telling me he loved and missed me too.
Damb fat fingers
I had to have a colonospy. I was using a hospital I had never used, on our way there my wife said she had a mammogram done there. I walk up to the desk to check in and say " I have a mammogram scheduled and was told to arrive 30 minutes early to register." That was an embarrassing moment
I played in a golf tournament sponsored by my Dad's company and won the prize for Longest Drive. My Dad's secretary came up to me afterward and said "I heard the good news. congratulations."
My ego told me that clearly she was talking about that monstrous drive I had hit. She was, in fact, referencing the fact that my wife was pregnant which explains why her mouth dropped wide open when I replied "Yeah. I just got up there and hit it as hard as I could."
My oldest daughter, who is 7 now, when she was about 2-3 still learning to talk would get sayings mixed up. Instead of saying "awe shucks" would say "awe f***s", lol. At first we would just ignore it, fearing she would say it just for attention. A few weeks passed and we were standing in line at Taco Bell. I asked her what she wanted and she wanted cinnamon twists. I ordered and told her to order in a cute 2 year old kind of way. She told him her order and he looked at her and said "that is so cute but we are out of them right now". Without missing a beat, she told him "awe f***s" and you would have thought that I learned how to parent on Jerry Springer with the look he game me hahaha.