I was sick last night when Buffalo beat Arizona.
And not because of my bracket.
Its because I live only a few miles from Philips Arena in one of Atlantas assisted living centers.
When I saw the brackets come out last Sunday, I jumped out of my wheelchair and broke my colostomy bag.
But, I didnt really care.
The momentary embarrassment was erased by the thought that I might get to go see my beloved hoop Vols in person in a SWEET SIXTEEN before the role is called up yonder on my worn out old arse.
Anyway, On a fixed military pension and a little social security, I cant afford an expensive handicapped ticket.
So, I need two tickets to take this younger orderly at my nursing home so that he can drive me and lift me in and out of the car and carry me to our seats.
He loves basketball and hes very excited about the prospect of going.
So, Im seeing the bracket on Sunday, and as Im sure most of you also did, I thought that Arizona would beat Kentucky in the second round.
That, of course, would mean not having that big blue toothless, filthy hoard of followers taking over Atlanta as they always do.
Now, what do I do?
Can Buffalo somehow pull off two big upsets in a row and beat Kentucky in Boise on Saturday?
If not, and UK does win, I might have to stoop to some big blue deception. I could have my orderly, Sven, whos this big strapping Georgia Tech graduate transfer student in physiology from Sweden help me.
We both would wear Kentucky blue over the top of our orange clothes.
Sven stands outside Philips Arena with a sign asking for two tickets while he holds my limp body across his arms.
The sign, in blue, would say:
Lifelong UK fan, decorated veteran, dying hope is to see Big Blue play in person tonight, please sell us two cheap tickets.
So, say We pull it off and get the tickets.
Then, we would rip off our blue outer clothes to reveal the beautiful Big Orange clothes underneath.
We then throw the nasty blue clothing in a trashcan.
I then empty the contents of my colostomy bag onto the blue clothing.
Sven and I both laugh hysterically and yell out:
We got you, you stupid arse mother farkin UK fans, Go Vols!
(In Swedish, Sven says that translates to: Vusda dasda swinkee friskee mudda coitus ooh kay locos, whoopdee Vols.)
Go Vols and Fark UK!!!!!! and their fans.
And not because of my bracket.
Its because I live only a few miles from Philips Arena in one of Atlantas assisted living centers.
When I saw the brackets come out last Sunday, I jumped out of my wheelchair and broke my colostomy bag.
But, I didnt really care.
The momentary embarrassment was erased by the thought that I might get to go see my beloved hoop Vols in person in a SWEET SIXTEEN before the role is called up yonder on my worn out old arse.
Anyway, On a fixed military pension and a little social security, I cant afford an expensive handicapped ticket.
So, I need two tickets to take this younger orderly at my nursing home so that he can drive me and lift me in and out of the car and carry me to our seats.
He loves basketball and hes very excited about the prospect of going.
So, Im seeing the bracket on Sunday, and as Im sure most of you also did, I thought that Arizona would beat Kentucky in the second round.
That, of course, would mean not having that big blue toothless, filthy hoard of followers taking over Atlanta as they always do.
Now, what do I do?
Can Buffalo somehow pull off two big upsets in a row and beat Kentucky in Boise on Saturday?
If not, and UK does win, I might have to stoop to some big blue deception. I could have my orderly, Sven, whos this big strapping Georgia Tech graduate transfer student in physiology from Sweden help me.
We both would wear Kentucky blue over the top of our orange clothes.
Sven stands outside Philips Arena with a sign asking for two tickets while he holds my limp body across his arms.
The sign, in blue, would say:
Lifelong UK fan, decorated veteran, dying hope is to see Big Blue play in person tonight, please sell us two cheap tickets.
So, say We pull it off and get the tickets.
Then, we would rip off our blue outer clothes to reveal the beautiful Big Orange clothes underneath.
We then throw the nasty blue clothing in a trashcan.
I then empty the contents of my colostomy bag onto the blue clothing.
Sven and I both laugh hysterically and yell out:
We got you, you stupid arse mother farkin UK fans, Go Vols!
(In Swedish, Sven says that translates to: Vusda dasda swinkee friskee mudda coitus ooh kay locos, whoopdee Vols.)
Go Vols and Fark UK!!!!!! and their fans.
