Not so smart quotes from the Pros

[getyopopcornready]

“I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.”
- New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers, when asked about the upcoming season.

“I can’t really remember the names of the clubs that we went to.”
- Shaquille O’Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece.

“Mr. Harris has not regained consciousness, and this is cause for concern.”
- J. Snyder, a spokesman at Porter hospital, where Valparaiso center Kenny Harris remains in critical condition a week after he collapsed while lifting weights.

“I would like to extend a hunting trip to him deep in the woods somewhere.”
- Colorado Rockies Todd Helton, on broadcaster Wayne Hagin, who suggested the All-Star first baseman used steroids in the 1990s.

“They are an NBA team, and it is hard to play those teams.”
- Phoenix Suns Head Coach Mike D’Antoni, on the San Antonio Spurs.

“Left hand, right hand, it doesn’t matter. I’m amphibious.”
-Charles Shackleford of the NCSU basketball team

“Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points, they almost always win.”
-Doug Collins

“Sure. I’m proud to be an American.”
-Cincinnati Reds rookie pitcher Steve Foster, asked by a Canadian customs agent if he had anything to declare.

“It’s a partial sellout.”
-Atlanta Braves broadcaster Skip Caray, trying not to say the game has only drawn 6,000 fans.

“I’ve won at every level, except college and pro.”
-Shaquille O’Neal, on his (former) lack of championships.

“Are you any relation to your brother Marv?”
-Basketball player Leon Wood to announcer Steve Albert

“I’m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.”
-Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh

“I don’t want to shoot my mouth in my foot, but those are games we can win.”
-Sherman Douglas

Better teams win more often than the teams that are not so good.”
-Tom Watt, ex-Maple Leaves coach (his team was not so good)

“I quit school in the sixth grade because of pneumonia. Not because I had it, but because I couldn’t spell it.”
-Boxing great Rocky Graziano

“He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.”
-Lou Duva, Veteran boxing trainer, on the spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota, 1996.

“He’s the man of the hour at this particular moment.”
-Don King

“You can sum up this sport in two words: You never know.”
-Lou Duva, boxing trainer

“I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father”
-Greg Norman

“I don’t think anywhere is there a symbiotic relationship between caddie and player like there is in golf.”
-Johnny Miller, TV analyst and pro golfer.

“Then I was skinnier. I hit it better, I putted better, and I could see better. Other than that, everything is the same.”
-PGA Senior Tour player Homero Blancas.

“My handicap is that I don’t have a big enough beer cooler for the back of my golf cart.”
- Pro football linebacker Rick D’Amico, on his golf handicap.

[The Dude]

Many of those were meant to be funny or just straightforward, like Helton's and the last one.

[getyopopcornready]

thanks buzz killinger

[ut 4 me]

those were pretty good

[TennesseeFan07]

Some of those were hilarious.

[vols kick balls]

If Jesus were on the field, he'd be pitching inside and breaking up double plays. He'd be high fiving the other guys.
Tim Burke, Expos pitcer

I am throwing twice as hard as I ever did. It's just not getting there as fast.
Lefty Gomez, Yankees

I dunno. I never smoke Astroturf
Tug McGraw when asked wether he prefered grass or astroturf.

I may be dumb but I'm not stupid.
Terry Bradshaw

If we played like that every week we wouldn't be so inconsistent
Bryan Robson

I'm a golfer not an athlete
Lee Westwood

I don't want to tell you any half-truths unless they're completely accurate
Dennis Rappaport, boxing manager

[vols kick balls]

He called me a "rapist" and a "recluse." I'm not a recluse.
Mike Tyson