People and their drinks

[milohimself]

PEOPLE & THEIR DRINKS
A recent magazine survey, interviewed fifty bartenders and they were asked if they could identify a customer’s personality on what drinks they ordered? Although interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.

The results:

If Women Drink ...

Beer
Personality: Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.
Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.
Cocktails or Blender drinks with umbrella
Personality: Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass.
Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.
Mixed drinks - no umbrellas e.g.; Gin and tonic / Scotch and soda
Personality: Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants
Approach: If she wants you, she’ll send YOU a drink.
Water
Personality: Pretentious and is looking for a serious relationship.
Approach: Don’t.
Wine - (bottled, not 4 litre cask)
Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Approach: Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.
Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, Mudshake etc.
Personality: Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has no clue.
Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is... and you’re in.
Cape Velvet
Personality: Annoying voice, bit of a tart.
Approach: Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub.
Shots and Slammers (Tequila, Vodka, Aftershock etc.)
Personality: Hangs around with male work pals or looking to get drunk...and naked.
Approach: Easiest hit in the pub, Nothing to do but wait.......

IF MEN DRINK...
Cider: He’s probably under-aged and wants to get laid.
Cheap Domestic Beer: He’s poor / student and wants to get laid.
Castle Lager Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.
Imported Beer: He’s old; he likes good beer and wants to get laid.
Guinness: The man is a rapist and will get laid one way or another.
Water: He just threw up and is trying to wash the taste out of his mouth so that he can still get laid
Wine: He’s hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image and help him get laid.
Vodka or Brandy: Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf. Desperate to get laid.
Port: Thinks he’s sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid.
Whisky: He doesn’t give two s**ts about anything and will hit anyone who will get in his way of getting laid.
Jack Daniels: Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminine activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting laid.
Rum or Tequila: Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid.
Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, etc: He’s gay (blatantly) - don’t turn your back or pick up any dropped change.

[Lexvol]

Originally Posted by milohimself

PEOPLE & THEIR DRINKS
A recent magazine survey, interviewed fifty bartenders and they were asked if they could identify a customer’s personality on what drinks they ordered? Although interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.

The results:

If Women Drink ...

Beer
Personality: Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.
Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.
Cocktails or Blender drinks with umbrella
Personality: Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass.
Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.
Mixed drinks - no umbrellas e.g.; Gin and tonic / Scotch and soda
Personality: Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants
Approach: If she wants you, she’ll send YOU a drink.
Water
Personality: Pretentious and is looking for a serious relationship.
Approach: Don’t.
Wine - (bottled, not 4 litre cask)
Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Approach: Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.
Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, Mudshake etc.
Personality: Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has no clue.
Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is... and you’re in.
Cape Velvet
Personality: Annoying voice, bit of a tart.
Approach: Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub.
Shots and Slammers (Tequila, Vodka, Aftershock etc.)
Personality: Hangs around with male work pals or looking to get drunk...and naked.
Approach: Easiest hit in the pub, Nothing to do but wait.......

IF MEN DRINK...
Cider: He’s probably under-aged and wants to get laid.
Cheap Domestic Beer: He’s poor / student and wants to get laid.
Castle Lager Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.
Imported Beer: He’s old; he likes good beer and wants to get laid.
Guinness: The man is a rapist and will get laid one way or another.
Water: He just threw up and is trying to wash the taste out of his mouth so that he can still get laid
Wine: He’s hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image and help him get laid.
Vodka or Brandy: Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf. Desperate to get laid.
Port: Thinks he’s sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid.
Whisky: He doesn’t give two s**ts about anything and will hit anyone who will get in his way of getting laid.
Jack Daniels: Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminine activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting laid.
Rum or Tequila: Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid.
Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, etc: He’s gay (blatantly) - don’t turn your back or pick up any dropped change.

Yes indeed! Now if you know what is good for you, you will pour me another whisky.

[Plano Vol]

women water drinkers may also be on antibiotics which is another reason for avoidance.

[Jmxvol]

avoid any woman in a bar... period.

[utvolpj]

I'm sure all our Guiness fans will just love that one.

[JZVOL]

Originally Posted by Jmxvol

avoid any woman in a bar... period.

[droski]

what if i just want to get laid. you didn't address that. Thanks!

And dammit I like port and sake (what does sake mean?).

[Plano Vol]

Originally Posted by Jmxvol

avoid any woman in a bar... period.

True now for me....but that advice just won't work for the younger set. And then again, it depends on the bar. This not a good man law.

[droski]

Originally Posted by Plano Vol

True now for me....but that advice just won't work for the younger set. And then again, it depends on the bar. This not a good man law.

agreed. in college you can meet some mighty fine women at a bar. when you turn 30. . .not so much.

[USAF_Vol]

Originally Posted by utvolpj

I'm sure all our Guiness fans will just love that one.

Not cool Milo......NOT COOL.

Other than that slight error (The whole rapist thing) a pretty good list.

[Jmxvol]

I'm young...but I'm not into bar skanks

[Jmxvol]

upon further review...

I should've drank last night