Civil War Renactments to Cease Immediately (Humor)

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Sewaneetigers

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Civil War Reenactments to Cease Immediately Will Instead Reenact Battles from Star Wars


July, 14 2015

For decades thousands of men across the country have re-enacted battles from the United States Civil War but beginning immediately re-enactors will no longer recreate the same Civil War Battles they have for years but will instead re-enact battles from George Lucas’s Star Wars films. Very soon once famous venues such as Shiloh, Gettysburg, and Chickamauga will be replaced with Endor, Hoth, and Yavin 4. It was a major decision but has been universally lauded by both liberals and conservatives.

With the recent political climate and backlash against the Confederate Battle Flag, the impending exhumation of General Nathan Bedford Forest from Elmwood Cemetery in Memphis, and the overwhelmingly pejorative light that unfortunate period in our history is now viewed it became necessary for Civil War Re-enactors to seek a more politically correct alternative to traditional civil war re-enactments. After a brief debate it became clear that Star Wars was the obvious and only answer.

The parallels between the United States Civil War and Star Wars are pretty evident. Much like the Civil War, Star Wars is a story about a Rebel Alliance, planetary rights, and unfathomable Federation trade embargos. Best of all, Star Wars is universally beloved, does not offend anyone, and has no uncomfortable or politically incorrect images of confederate flags with nasty racial undertones. It short, it is perfect.

Reactions from re-enactors across the country were almost overwhelmingly positive. Ryan Henderson from Lexington, VA was thrilled, “For years I played General Robert E. Lee, now I get to play Admiral Ackbar, it’s so exciting! I’m finding it a challenging and rewarding role, I have to both think and act like a Mon-Calamari. Arrraggh it’s a trap!” he laughs.

A select few, however, were less than enthused about their new roles. William “Bubba” Reynolds, of Ringgold, GA who long portrayed General Braxton Bragg was extremely upset with his new assignment, “I don’t care if Braxton Bragg was the Jar-Jar Binks of Confederate Generals and I don’t give a good damn if he misplaced half his men in Chattanooga and forgot about them, he’s still better than that thing, I’m not doing it!”

The Civil War Re-enactors Guild of America released the following statement:

We at the CWRGA (now SWRGA) are very excited about these changes and accept our new mission. We believe that the confederate flag is an out-dated and offensive symbol and we are universally pleased to be laying down the Stars and Bars for stormtrooper armor. We have got a whole lot of great new places to work with and quite frankly there’s only so many times you can do Pickett’s Charge before you get tired of it. Star Wars re-enactments will appeal to a much larger, fresher, and younger audience than the United States Civil War ever did.

Plans are already being made for the first Star Wars re-enactment to be held sometime Spring of 2016, and with JJ Abrams reboot of the franchise set to premier December 2015, it should be nothing less than an overwhelming success.
 
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#2
#2
This will definitely help with our racisim views in this country. I mean the bad guy was wearing black and his henchmen are wearing white storm trooper uniforms. There is even talk of dark vs light within the movie.
 
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