Slips of the tongue

#1
McDad

McDad

I can't brain today; I has the dumb.
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#1
I just left a message on a client's voicemail. I wished him a good week of head. I meant to say a good week AHEAD. Very embarrassing. I hope neither his secretary nor his wife listens to that message.

What amusing, awkward, or embarrassing things have you accidentally uttered?
 
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#2
#2
McDad said:
I just left a message on a client's voicemail. I wished him a good week of head. I meant to say a good week AHEAD. Very embarrassing. I hope neither his secretary nor his wife listens to that message.

What amusing, awkward, or embarrassing things have you accidentally uttered?
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:eek:lol: I laughed.
 
#3
#3
Several years ago I was going to the grocery store and my wife asked me to buy some pancake mix along with quite a bit of other stuff.

As the guy was scanning the items, he noticed that the top of the pancake mix has a small tear in it and some pancake mix puffed out when he picked it up.

I said, "Thanks man, good eye"

I looked at him and he only had one working eye. The other one was blind and had that milky look. I realized how it sounded and was mortified. It was awkward.
 
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#5
#5
vader said:
Several years ago I was going to the grocery store and my wife asked me to buy some pancake mix along with quite a bit of other stuff.

As the guy was scanning the items, he noticed that the top of the pancake mix has a small tear in it and some pancake mix puffed out when he picked it up.

I said, "Thanks man, good eye"

I looked at him and he only had one working eye. The other one was blind and had that milky look. I realized how it sounded and was mortified. It was awkward.
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Another winner. :lol:
 
#6
#6
Ernest T. Vol said:
Hit the wrong speed dial button. Told who I thought was a friend of mine (but was the client) that I was going to "slap her nekked and hide her clothes" when she said Hello.
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The fact that I can only imagine hearing this in Ernest T Bass's voice makes this all the more enjoyable. Hope you thought you were calling more than just a friend to be talking to her like that!
 
#7
#7
volfanbill said:
The fact that I can only imagine hearing this in Ernest T Bass's voice makes this all the more enjoyable. Hope you thought you were calling more than just a friend to be talking to her like that!
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Yep. I thought it was a girl I went to high school with...and I did say it in the most backwoods way you can imagine. Some of us out here are bilingual. We speak country and English.
 
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#8
#8
vader said:
Several years ago I was going to the grocery store and my wife asked me to buy some pancake mix along with quite a bit of other stuff.

As the guy was scanning the items, he noticed that the top of the pancake mix has a small tear in it and some pancake mix puffed out when he picked it up.

I said, "Thanks man, good eye"

I looked at him and he only had one working eye. The other one was blind and had that milky look. I realized how it sounded and was mortified. It was awkward.
Click to expand...

Can't. Stop. Laughing.
 
#9
#9
I worked at Pals in HS at one of the walk-in stores. I was taking this guys order and he asked for 2 teas half ice. So I call it out in the microphone with a lobby full of people as "2 teas half ass." I was so embarrassed but everyone just laughed.
 
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#10
#10
Thought I was emailing my wife my usual "I love and miss you" note that I sent her every morning while I was in the middle east to let he know I was still OK. The next thing I heard was my Captain telling me he loved and missed me too.

Damb fat fingers
 
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#11
#11
I played in a golf tournament sponsored by my Dad's company and won the prize for Longest Drive. My Dad's secretary came up to me afterward and said "I heard the good news. congratulations."

My ego told me that clearly she was talking about that monstrous drive I had hit. She was, in fact, referencing the fact that my wife was pregnant which explains why her mouth dropped wide open when I replied "Yeah. I just got up there and hit it as hard as I could."
 
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#12
#12
GAVol said:
I played in a golf tournament sponsored by my Dad's company and won the prize for Longest Drive. My Dad's secretary came up to me afterward and said "I heard the good news. congratulations."

My ego told me that clearly she was talking about that monstrous drive I had hit. She was, in fact, referencing the fact that my wife was pregnant which explains why her mouth dropped wide open when I replied "Yeah. I just got up there and hit it as hard as I could."
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I just read this to my wife. We are still laughing.
 
#13
#13
I had to have a colonospy. I was using a hospital I had never used, on our way there my wife said she had a mammogram done there. I walk up to the desk to check in and say " I have a mammogram scheduled and was told to arrive 30 minutes early to register." That was an embarrassing moment
 
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#14
#14
malinoisvol said:
Thought I was emailing my wife my usual "I love and miss you" note that I sent her every morning while I was in the middle east to let he know I was still OK. The next thing I heard was my Captain telling me he loved and missed me too.

Damb fat fingers
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I've sent my buddies errant 'on my way. Love you' messages meant for my wife on a few occasions.

Recently I sent it as a voice iMessage to a client accidently. He said "what was that audio message about?" I was like "Uhhh that was meant for my wife".
 
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#15
#15
Gramps said:
I had to have a colonospy. I was using a hospital I had never used, on our way there my wife said she had a mammogram done there. I walk up to the desk to check in and say " I have a mammogram scheduled and was told to arrive 30 minutes early to register." That was an embarrassing moment
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Thanks Gramps; laughing my butt off over that one!
 
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#16
#16
My oldest daughter, who is 7 now, when she was about 2-3 still learning to talk would get sayings mixed up. Instead of saying "awe shucks" would say "awe f***s", lol. At first we would just ignore it, fearing she would say it just for attention. A few weeks passed and we were standing in line at Taco Bell. I asked her what she wanted and she wanted cinnamon twists. I ordered and told her to order in a cute 2 year old kind of way. She told him her order and he looked at her and said "that is so cute but we are out of them right now". Without missing a beat, she told him "awe f***s" and you would have thought that I learned how to parent on Jerry Springer with the look he game me hahaha.
 
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#17
#17
Back several years ago I headed up the committe for a pastor search for our church. I talk to my wife different than I do anybody else, she's my wife. We were in the phone andshe hhad to hang up quick and said shed call me back in like 10 seconds. I hung up, and sure enough the phone rang seconds later. Me wanting to get my wife going I answered (home phone no caller I'd) and said, "I can't wait until I see you later, I'm gonna ravish your body like never before and make you like it". It wasn't my wife who said. "Excuse me", it was the head deacons wife!
 
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#18
#18
The company boss is fairly wealthy and likes to hunt, in this case pheasants. The company wide email stating he would be absent for the week stated he "...would be out for the week hunting peasants.".

We all had a good laugh at that.
 
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#20
#20
GAVol said:
I played in a golf tournament sponsored by my Dad's company and won the prize for Longest Drive. My Dad's secretary came up to me afterward and said "I heard the good news. congratulations."

My ego told me that clearly she was talking about that monstrous drive I had hit. She was, in fact, referencing the fact that my wife was pregnant which explains why her mouth dropped wide open when I replied "Yeah. I just got up there and hit it as hard as I could."
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Holy crap. Literal LOL
 
#22
#22
I attempted to send a Voxer message to my wife on vacation a couple years ago, in which I sang the chorus to "You Are My Sunshine." It had been a rough day with the kids and I figured to make her smile or laugh. Well, it was funny alright, but more so to the actual recipient, a patient that was friends of mine on Facebook.

I never used Voxer again.
 
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#25
#25
landscapingvol said:
My oldest daughter, who is 7 now, when she was about 2-3 still learning to talk would get sayings mixed up. Instead of saying "awe shucks" would say "awe f***s", lol. At first we would just ignore it, fearing she would say it just for attention. A few weeks passed and we were standing in line at Taco Bell. I asked her what she wanted and she wanted cinnamon twists. I ordered and told her to order in a cute 2 year old kind of way. She told him her order and he looked at her and said "that is so cute but we are out of them right now". Without missing a beat, she told him "awe f***s" and you would have thought that I learned how to parent on Jerry Springer with the look he game me hahaha.
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Along the same lines, this year my 3 year old asked Santa for a specific item for the first time. So for the entire Christmas season when family, friends, neighbors, strangers such as a a grocery clerk would ask "what's Santa going to bring you?" he would say matter of fact "He's going to me a BLADE".

Of course this always got "A what?!?" leaving us to explain it was a character from the Disney movie Planes 2..
 
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