Relationship Tips or How to Stay Out of Marriage (failed) Thread

#1
VolMax

VolMax

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#1
OK brothers and sisters, too many folks winding up on the Marriage thread with bad news. It may seem sappy but here goes an attempt to help avoid it. I have made and seen a lot of supportive comments to fellow VolNation folks on the Marriage thread. Let's see if we can help before things go completely off the rails.

I'm a year and a half out of a 19 year marriage and into the new wild world of dating. I've got lots of hindsight from the first and am learning a lot about the second.

My big picture perspective is for a relationship to work, both parties have to gain happiness from making the other happy. Sounds silly, but if it's one sided, the giver's tank will ultimately run dry and things will go south.

Think about it, if I respect, appreciate and enjoy making my significant other happy, and she does the same for me, what can go wrong?

Ladies, please join in! I know there are times I just don't get it and could use a female perspective to some of my questions.

This may wind up a major fail, but it can't be any worse than my Dooley support tracking thread.

What could be better than a happy relationship and us back to winning on Saturdays?

GBO!
 
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#4
#4
Rules I know:

1. Never tattoo a girl's name on your body.

2. Never trust a girl that says, "It's okay, I'm on the pill."

3. If you have money or other assets, get a prenup.

4. If Lorena Bobbitt has taught us anything, protect your male assets as well.

5. It's better to cohabitate for a time before marriage. Living with someone reveals alot.

6. If things are rough, don't be one of those fools that thinks having kids will make it better. It won't, and they'll be the ones to suffer your stupidity.
 
#5
#5
VolMax said:
OK brothers and sisters, too many folks winding up on the Marriage thread with bad news. It may seem sappy but here goes an attempt to help avoid it. I have made and seen a lot of supportive comments to fellow VolNation folks on the Marriage thread. Let's see if we can help before things go completely off the rails.

I'm a year and a half out of a 19 year marriage and into the new wild world of dating. I've got lots of hindsight from the first and am learning a lot about the second.

My big picture perspective is for a relationship to work, both parties have to gain happiness from making the other happy. Sounds silly, but if it's one sided, the giver's tank will ultimately run dry and things will go south.

Think about it, if I respect, appreciate and enjoy making my significant other happy, and she does the same for me, what can go wrong?

Ladies, please join in! I know there are times I just don't get it and could use a female perspective to some of my questions.

This may wind up a major fail, but it can't be any worse than my Dooley support tracking thread.

What could be better than a happy relationship and us back to winning on Saturdays?

GBO!
Click to expand...

No offense, but were you a smotherer?
 
#9
#9
Married 20 years

Find someone you are compatible with in areas of faith, economics, social, etc

Don't aim at the stars as far as looks. Her looks may not last forever. Marry her because you love her not lust her. Sex isn't the answer to your problems

If a woman is a b to start out with then she isn't going to change. Don't marry one that tries to take the reigns on everything. She must be willing to give and take.

Don't marry out of your league. It doesn't work for guys like it does for women. A rich girl is always going to want to be rich. Your blue collar salary won't satisfy her white collar tastes. That crap only hapoens in the movies


Stop letting your penis pick your partner.
 
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#10
#10
Weezer said:
Rules I know:

1. Never tattoo a girl's name on your body.

2. Never trust a girl that says, "It's okay, I'm on the pill."

3. If you have money or other assets, get a prenup.

4. If Lorena Bobbitt has taught us anything, protect your male assets as well.

5. It's better to cohabitate for a time before marriage. Living with someone reveals alot.

6. If things are rough, don't be one of those fools that thinks having kids will make it better. It won't, and they'll be the ones to suffer your stupidity.
Click to expand...

5. Holy crap this is very important!! Saved myself from marrying a wacko before I met my wife
 
#11
#11
CountVolcula said:
Married 20 years

Find someone you are compatible with in areas of faith, economics, social, etc

Don't aim at the stars as far as looks. Her looks may not last forever. Marry her because you love her not lust her. Sex isn't the answer to your problems

If a woman is a b to start out with then she isn't going to change. Don't marry one that tries to take the reigns on everything. She must be willing to give and take.

Don't marry out of your league. It doesn't work for guys like it does for women. A rich girl is always going to want to be rich. Your blue collar salary won't satisfy her white collar tastes. That crap only hapoens in the movies


Stop letting your penis pick your partner.
Click to expand...

I won't disagree with your final point, but if your nature is to be physical/touchy/affectionate/sexual and your s/o isn't, it's a heck of an uphill struggle. The whole Love Languages thing...
 
#13
#13
vols 30 said:
Key to a successful marriage: seperate checking accounts.
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for a little spending money I might agree but fighting to keep everything separate would be a red flag for me. Plus it makes bills so much more difficult to pay and debt almost impossible to quantify
 
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#14
#14
utvolpj said:
for a little spending money I might agree but fighting to keep everything separate would be a red flag for me. Plus it makes bills so much more difficult to pay and debt almost impossible to quantify
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I see your point, but there's nothing worse than trying to pay bills only to find out your wife took money out to buy something without telling you.


When I got married the 2nd time. We both agreed to separate checking accounts and who would be responsible for what Bill/groceries. It's worked great. We never argue over money.
 
#15
#15
vols 30 said:
I see your point, but there's nothing worse than trying to pay bills only to find out your wife took money out to buy something without telling you.
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which tells me a discussion about money never took place if buying things is being put ahead of paying bills. Couples need to make a budget and understand the limitations.

vols 30 said:
When I got married the 2nd time. We both agreed to separate checking accounts and who would be responsible for what Bill/groceries. It's worked great. We never argue over money.
Click to expand...

that's great but I think more could benefit from viewing the money as one account than separate ones.
 
#16
#16
utvolpj said:
which tells me a discussion about money never took place if buying things is being put ahead of paying bills. Couples need to make a budget and understand the limitations.



that's great but I think more could benefit from viewing the money as one account than separate ones.
Click to expand...

Fair point. It works for us.
 
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#17
#17
vols 30 said:
I see your point, but there's nothing worse than trying to pay bills only to find out your wife took money out to buy something without telling you.


When I got married the 2nd time. We both agreed to separate checking accounts and who would be responsible for what Bill/groceries. It's worked great. We never argue over money.
Click to expand...

Not married yet, 30 days, but we have agreed to keep things separate except for an account for our mutual expenses/bills. I see both sides, but it has worked well for us this way the past 3 years.
 
#18
#18
volwindy said:
Not married yet, 30 days, but we have agreed to keep things separate except for an account for our mutual expenses/bills. I see both sides, but it has worked well for us this way the past 3 years.
Click to expand...


It's good that you have discussed this and have a plan.
 
#19
#19
volwindy said:
Not married yet, 30 days, but we have agreed to keep things separate except for an account for our mutual expenses/bills. I see both sides, but it has worked well for us this way the past 3 years.
Click to expand...

Congrats Windy
 
#20
#20
You probably want to give it a little more time than a year and a half after a 19 year marriage JMO, but it sounds like you are trying to move back into something too quickly. My advice.......buy a dog for companionship right now and just focus on yourself and have a few one nighters a month to keep yourself from going crazy.
 
#21
#21
BearCat204 said:
You probably want to give it a little more time than a year and a half after a 19 year marriage JMO, but it sounds like you are trying to move back into something too quickly. My advice.......buy a dog for companionship right now and just focus on yourself and have a few one nighters a month to keep yourself from going crazy.
Click to expand...

My mom died this past October from cancer and my dad was in a relationship like 2 months later. Here we are today(5 months after her death) and he has a whole new family. He acts like his past life never existed. How is that for f***ed up? Needless to say, I think he's a dirt bag.
 
#22
#22
Newly married, but I can already see some struggles in other couples that we have avoided.

*DEBT DEBT DEBT. My wife and I both have avoided debt like the plague. That is one fight we haven't had to battle.

*Love language. Don't down play this. I have seen many couples struggle with this. If one is touchy feely, and one isn't. Someone will always be out of their comfort zone. Same goes for those who love to give/receive gifts.

*Mutual/ Separated interests. A healthy mix is ideal. Don't push you SO to partake in all of your interests. It's nice for both sides to have their own thing to get away a enjoy themselves. This provides a "safe" place to get away and get your mind of things.

*Communication. This sounds simple and over used, but its huge. The most important part to remember is how your SO communicates. Also, in a time where not fights are being fought, collectively agree on terms and timing to communicate ill feelings. No one likes to get blind sided after a long day at work. Some people like to give it time to cool off, some people want to hash it out right away. I have found, in all forms of relationships, timing has a far greater effect on outcome, then how you present you concerns.

*Appreciation. Personally, this is what I struggle with the most. I tend to miss the "small" things my wife has done for me. Whether it be buying the tp as needed, or vacuuming the house. To your SO, these small things you miss may have been a huge sacrifice during their day.

*Dont get too comfortable. Another personal down fall of mine. Make it a point to continue to say your "I love you" , "Thank You" , "You look beautiful." Whatever it is that brings a spark to your SO's soul. It's easy to get comfortable as the years go on.
 
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#23
#23
Put up
Show up
Dress up
Shut up

My wife loves me everyday and likes me most days.
 
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