AHH! Those funny craigslist ad's

[tonyvolsfan05]

postem up


King Mattress (Harriman)

Date: 2009-08-30, 10:42PM EDT
Reply to: sale-xyfbx-1350779002@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

We have a king size mattress that is older with a few wires poking out the corners but is free for anyone who needs it. We will be taking it to the dump on Thursday if it is not picked up before that. Pickup only please.

• Location: Harriman
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

[rpvol]

here's a good one...

Either I suck at golf or there is something wrong with these clubs - $75 (Jefferson City, TN)

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Date: 2009-08-19, 9:26AM EDT
Reply to: sale-gxpd8-1330945921@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

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If you enjoy spending time in the woods or swimming in "fresh" water ponds then these are the clubs for you. Guaranteed to add 10 strokes per hole. That's right folks you too can average over 200 on a single round of golf. Instantly turns a hook into a slice and vice versa. As soon as you get one corrected, these bad boys will take it the other direction.

OLD Right handed Hogans and a bag with some junk in it.

Bring a priest.

[volwindy]

Originally Posted: Fri, 17 Jul 15:45 CDT
FREE CRAP! (manure)

Date: 2009-07-17, 3:45PM CDT

i have a bunch of crap (manure) that i would like to unload on you. big steaming pile on my curb; nice and fresh. Let me know if you want to deal with my crap (manure) and I will give you the address.

Thanks,
JIM

[volwindy]

Originally Posted: Thu, 16 Jul 18:32 EDT
I Puked in Your Purse

Date: 2009-07-16, 6:32PM EDT

You were sitting a couple tables across from me. I was checking you out. You noticed. I winked. You rolled your eyes and left your table to talk to some guys at the bar. You left your purse hanging unattended on the back of your chair. I felt rejected, and a little pissed. You looked hungry. On my way out, I filled your purse with a vomit cocktail consisting of 1 part hamburger, 3 parts Miller Lites and 6 parts hot yellow foamy puke. If you had second thoughts after blowing me off, hit me back. I can't wait to hear from you!!!

• Location: Houlihans
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1273689551

[volwindy]

Ok, this is a bit scary.....

Originally Posted: Thu, 16 Jul 15:47 EDT
Brain Surgery Intern

Date: 2009-07-16, 3:47PM EDT

Need a Brain Surgery Intern ASAP! I have just been diagnosed with a brain tumor and the doctor says that I only have 3 months to live unless I have brain surgery. This is an unpaid operation, but you will receive credit and snacks while you are operating. This is a good way to build up your resume by networking with others who need free surgery. If you do a good job, and I live, this may lead to future PAID surgeries!
If you have your own surgery tools and anesthesia, that is a plus and you move to the front of the line.
Please respond with a link to all of the operations that you have performed, transcripts from the universities that you attended, and a copy of your MCAT scores.
Please only respond if you are SERIOUS. You must be a team player and have your own car.

• Location: Atlanta
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: no pay

[volwindy]

nashville > Yard Swing Originally Posted: Mon, 8 Jun 10:47 CDT
Yard Swing

Date: 2009-06-08, 10:47AM CDT

Real nice yard swing for sell. Real comfrotable. Might have a few dog hairs on it but they will brush right off. Green all-wheather cover beside fence is included Tikee torch not included but will sale for 25.00.

• Location: Green Hills
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1211169953

[volwindy]

Paddle

Date: 2009-07-07, 10:21PM EDT

That's right, a paddle. Lightly used. OK, not that lightly used. Not used on that many people, OK? Mostly just my ex's bottom. And a bit on mine. I tried using it on a really freaky girl a few weeks ago, and that was it - the magic was gone. There was nothing there. I thought paddles were exempt from the typical breakup sex toy uselessness, but I was terribly mistaken. This thing is dead to me.

However, you can make my loss your gain! Seriously, despite my crippling emotional detachment from this paddle and my tendency to replace intimacy with alcohol, I can tell you this is one heck of a paddle.

It is made out of genuine 100% leather, and features beginner (smooth) and intermediate (studded) sides. It fits nicely in your hand, has a nice swing to it, and makes a wonderful sound in either beginner or intermediate modes.

Looking for anything fun, funny, or random. I'm thinking I'll drop this thing off somewhere pre-determined, you can pick it up, and leave whatever we decide to bother for. Quite frankly this whole thing is a little creepy and weird. And awesome.

Please, no dildos, butt plugs, or vibrators - that's just freaky.

• Location: South Side
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1258766538

[volwindy]

Free Box of Magnum Condoms

Date: 2009-05-12, 10:52PM EDT

I swear to whatever it is that i believe in, if i get any emails offering the use of this offered item with me..... i'll fill all 33 condoms up with yellow paint, and pelt every guy who looks like he might be the kind of douche bag who'd send such an email.

That said, it would be great if you were a chic or had a chic pick them up. I'm a girl. The box is a 36 pack with 3 missing and the rest are totally fine and untampered with, i just don't want a box of condoms too big for most guys sitting around reminding me of yet another failed relationship and my renewed sense of not getting laid. Not that I'd like to be, so don't offer.

thanks

• Location: Clinton Hill
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1168173164

[volwindy]

Woman to sit in my bath tub full of noodles, wearing a bathing suit.

Date: 2009-04-29, 1:39AM EDT

I will pay you $1 USD to sit in my bathtub full of noodles while you wear a one piece bathing suit.

I will not be home, nor will anyone else while you do this.

I will leave the key for you, and you will sit at your leisure.

I will require at least a 5 minutes stay.

A neighbor will watch the front door from across the street and using a supplied stopwatch, will time your entry and departure.

Please supply your own footwear.

The noodles will be cooked, and therefore slippery.

DO NOT bring any sauce. I will season the pasta after I return home prior to dinner.

• Location: Pittsburgh, Northside
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: $1 USD

PostingID: 1145392897

[kev20]

more creepy than funny there. wow!

[volwindy]

Originally Posted by kev20

more creepy than funny there. wow!

you mean you don't like to eat noodles that have been on a naked woman's body?

[UtennfaninVa]

hahaha these are good, just about all the ones under casual encounters crack me up too

[awebb7]

So VolWindy can copy and paste from Craigslist's Best Of. Seemingly endless talent resides behind that keyboard.

[Fleetwood1104]

i'm thinking these are failed contacts windy has had and is a little disgruntled.

[Vol Mania 21]

lulz