The Golf Story Thread!!!

[lawgator1]

This is the thread for golf stories/jokes.


A man was at the country club for his weekly round of golf.

He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second. On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang. It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU. The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he'd be there as soon as possible.

As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best ever round of golf. He decided to get in a couple of more holes before heading to the hospital. He ended up playing all eighteen, finishing his round shooting a personal best 61, shattering the club record by five strokes and beating his previous best game by more than 10.
He was jubilant. Then he remembered his wife.

Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition. The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your round of golf didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the country club your wife has been anguishing in the ICU. It's just as well you went ahead and finished that round because it will be more than likely your last! For the rest of her life she will require 'round the clock care. And you'll be her care giver!"

The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed.

The doctor snickered and said, "Just messing with you. She's dead. What'd you shoot?"

[cotton]

On a busy Saturday afternoon, three friends are paired with a busty blonde at their local course. They grumble at having to play with the woman, but the girl steps up to the first tee and launches the ball straight down the fairway. Hole after hole, shot after shot, she's splitting fairways and hitting greens, shooting even through 17. On 18 her approach leaves her 20 feet for birdie, at which point she turns to her playing partners.

"I've been taking lessons twice a week for two years, and this is the best round I've ever shot. If I could make birdie and break par, it would be a dream come true. If one of you can help me, I would be truly greatful. I'd probably be so excited that I would take you home and make love to you for the rest of the afternoon, showing you pleasure you have never imagined."

The friends look at each other for a moment before the first one dives to the ground, eyeing the ball and the hole, then walks around the green, doing the same on the other side. "It breaks right to left and you should start the putt about three balls outside the right edge."

The second guy immediately plumbobs from four different directions, tests the wind, and says, "no way, the putt actually breaks only slightly right to left. Do not give up the hole and start the putt just inside the right edge."

The last guy steps up to read the putt. He walks all around the green reading all the undulations and slopes, obviously very focused on the task at hand. After a few minutes he turns to the woman and says, "pick it up, it’s a gimme."

[JOEY'S ALL VOL !!!]

Originally Posted by cotton

On a busy Saturday afternoon, three friends are paired with a busty blonde at their local course. They grumble at having to play with the woman, but the girl steps up to the first tee and launches the ball straight down the fairway. Hole after hole, shot after shot, she's splitting fairways and hitting greens, shooting even through 17. On 18 her approach leaves her 20 feet for birdie, at which point she turns to her playing partners.

"I've been taking lessons twice a week for two years, and this is the best round I've ever shot. If I could make birdie and break par, it would be a dream come true. If one of you can help me, I would be truly greatful. I'd probably be so excited that I would take you home and make love to you for the rest of the afternoon, showing you pleasure you have never imagined."

The friends look at each other for a moment before the first one dives to the ground, eyeing the ball and the hole, then walks around the green, doing the same on the other side. "It breaks right to left and you should start the putt about three balls outside the right edge."

The second guy immediately plumbobs from four different directions, tests the wind, and says, "no way, the putt actually breaks only slightly right to left. Do not give up the hole and start the putt just inside the right edge."

The last guy steps up to read the putt. He walks all around the green reading all the undulations and slopes, obviously very focused on the task at hand. After a few minutes he turns to the woman and says, "pick it up, it’s a gimme."

[SWIL]

Golf Prank:

My friends and I tend to clown around and drink beer more than actually playing a serious game of golf. If you want to throw someone off their game, unclamp the strap that holds your opponents bag onto his cart. As soon as they take off in it, their bag will go flying off!

Disclaimer: If you get your butt whooped by your pissed off friend for doing this, it wasn't my fault

[GAVol]

The above prank is only funny if your friend's golf equipment is worth less than $5.

[cotton]

I actually had a friend lose a set of clubs that way. He lives on the course and was taking his cart home after dark. He dumped them due to said prank somewhere along the way, parked the cart in the garage, and went inside without noticing. The clubs were never seen again.

That is only funny if it isn't your 2k bag that's in some pawn shop.

[BigPapaVol]

Originally Posted by SWIL

Golf Prank:

My friends and I tend to clown around and drink beer more than actually playing a serious game of golf. If you want to throw someone off their game, unclamp the strap that holds your opponents bag onto his cart. As soon as they take off in it, their bag will go flying off!

Disclaimer: If you get your butt whooped by your pissed off friend for doing this, it wasn't my fault

I've done it to myself enough that I would immediately assume that I'd forgotten again

[Jasongivm6]

A man tees off on the first hole, and hits a hole in one. When he bends down to pick his ball out of the cup, a geenie appears and says, "I'm the hole-in-one geenie. I can grant you 1 wish. Anything you desire." The man thinks for a minute, gets close to the geenie's ear, and whispers, "I want a larger penis." The geenie says, "Your wish is granted!!"
Throughout the next few holes, the man can already tell something strange is happening to his penis. It's already growing ever so slightly. By the 9th hole, the man has a ding dong any man would brag about. But it keeps growing. On the backside, it starts to grow down to his knees. He starts getting worried around all of his buddies. By the 15th hole, it's creeping out of his pant leg. He starts to hide behind bushes. He starts to tremble with embarrassment. He's trying to hide behind the golf cart. He starts to carry the bag in front of him instead of over his shoulder to hide his enormous growth spurt. He's sweating feeverishly and thinks to himself, "Oh boy, what have I gotten into? Is it ever going to stop growing? I'm in trouble now." Then on the 18th hole, he miraculously hits another hole-in-one. When he bends down to pick his ball out of the cup, the hole-in-one geenie appears again and says, "I'm the hole-in-one geenie. I can grant you any wish you desire." The man sighs with relief and yells, "THANK GOD!! CAN YOU PLEASE MAKE MY LEGS LONGER!!"

[SWIL]

Originally Posted by cotton

I actually had a friend lose a set of clubs that way. He lives on the course and was taking his cart home after dark. He dumped them due to said prank somewhere along the way, parked the cart in the garage, and went inside without noticing. The clubs were never seen again.

That is only funny if it isn't your 2k bag that's in some pawn shop.

That's not cool. How did your friend not hear it?! The sound of a golf bag full of clubs falling out of a cart going 10-15 mphs isn't a quite one...

[SWIL]

Originally Posted by GAVol

The above prank is only funny if your friend's golf equipment is worth less than $5.

very true- hence my disclaimer

[bigtime]

Who plays by the if you dont hit it past the reds off your tee shot you hit the next shot with your pants down lol thats always fun

[SWIL]

yeah, you can only get away with this at public course though. You'd probably get tossed out of a private club!