I said that I would put the story together once in a while so we could read it as a whole. I fell behind, but here is the whole thing so far. I will keep adding to this thread as the story keeps going.
Once there was a superhero Operaman, who wasn't very clean. So he showered and then went upstairs to spank his monkey. He dropped the bowling ball and decided he would eat a dog.
Then he realized, "I might be the first guy to successfully swallow a Vanderbilt fan." Suddenly, a rumble came deep from his bowels, shook the room and green gasses flowed from his rectal area and the room cleared.
Operaman lay there shaking and convulsing longing for Pepto. Suddenly, toddbond leapt out of the hall bathroom with a big shovel. Operaman came after him with it and started swinging, disregarding the aliens who were chanting noitanlov noitanlov noitanlov, which confused Operaman.
He wet himself and starting mumbling "they know VolNation and it is full of weirdos and juvenile delinquents, yet they smile through their tears. Our story continues.....
As Operaman looks down the bar and there stands Steve Spurrier. Operaman drank a glass of dark beer and said loudly, " I am not who you think, I am a Tennessee fan and drunk as a monkey on crack named Randy Sanders." Carrying a clipboard holding nude pictures and twitching, stuttering, drooling with his hands in his blue jean pockets where he kept the frog that gave him magical powers for him to destroy people.....but he realized that it was only a good piece of cheese that turned green and smelled funky. "I need crackers", was heard from the other side across the river. It was a strange thing indeed, but who said that you had to ford rivers to get to Otis's moonshine still where JR had been laid up playing with his ginzu knife.
He found that exquisitely, if-adolescently inappropriate but somewhat interesting, because the knife had some powers that made bammers claim 450 MNC's and walk onto the team to start at a position like the head waterboy, or urinal flusher, or jockstrap washer, or hotdog boy. But they wish that just once that they could play 4 decent quarters, but they couldn't being mostly jockstrap washers and hotdog boys. Thankfully, however, one was a urinal flusher, and thereby knew the basic mechanics of social priggishness, excretorial metaphor speaking. Every time they tried to, someone from the NCAA slapped them with scholarship reductions for being cheaters, but even though they were guilty as sin, they needed someone to blame their troubles on.
That's when they turned to Tommy and said, "why don't you dig your own grave and bury your manuscript that has after all, such a stygian stink no one will miss it anyway), just left of mien kampf manuscript?"
There was a box of used , biblically, unfortunately, fossils of 3 Hooters girls and six pairs of orange spandex that were crotchless and smelled like Volmanjr's cologne. Suddenly, there was a crash and they saw GaVol dancing naked. "OH MY GOD" cried the crowd. They felt intimidated and who wouldn't considering that GaVol was somewhat less than average but more than OWB, Volmanjr . . .(talking about hands, of course)
In walked Jesus Sanchez the yardman with a rake and a bad attitude looking for Surreal who owned $50 for plumbing services and massage that was given by Surreal's favorite Crimson tide fan who only charged $1 for everything except for the $50 belt-sander facial and the $2 roll gallion caps.
Suddenly there was a roar from high above the big orange fan that shook and pumped his fist in a way that frightened all bama fans around until they just cried their little tears of frustration. Then they went looking for a AAA school so they could get to start a winning season after a bad ten year stretch. But alas, they beat the Idaho Potato Peelers and won the Mr. Potato Head Trophy, which they proudly displayed in the empty case in the men's room. In there with the trophy were 3 roaming gnomes who always checked the toilet paper because they were full of s***, but then again, maybe they weren't. If not, who was? Maybe we will never find out, but do you really want to know the whole truth even if it's something you can't handle?
Meanwhile back at the ranch, Hoss and the 3 women were milking cows when they heard a yell..."G Unit!" ..... They said "What??? G Unit sucks!" "Oh, you're right" said the man who wore white, but only when he was happy or needed to get feed from town. However, there was also a black duster donned guy, who was really an Amish man but not really into the Amish way of life. So really, he was more of a NAO (new Amish order) and part time electrician named Dale.
Dale needed to get the supplies off a cheap vendor because he didn't have enough money
(read: erecticle tissue) for the big line of new cheese curls. He wanted nothing more than to make Ma happy by eating that pie. Suddenly, he realized that he ate all the pills and Ma had told him to not be eating those unless he had trouble with his ability to go to the cold, hard potty.
Time was when you could go the neighbors house in your bathrobe and start watching TV. Or you could eat their leftover beans and franks, which might not give you indigestion but might give you the screaming meemies. Dale didn't know that there were side effects that would make his skin turn and his toes curl if he didn't rub his belly while chewing gum, while tapping his feet to the beat of a different drummer. So Dale began looking around for a hammer so he could beat a nail into his head and pretend to be the governor of California, where people are aliens in disguise looking for tomatoes to eat........so they could tease ugly women and make them yelp like a bammer who just found out that he got caught in the barn with his sister and a pig.
So Dale left the barn door open until he could run the pig out of the yard and back into the house. It ran up the steps and into the kitchen looking for a blender and some bananas so to make a banana split with a touch of fresh ice cream and whipped cream. But it wasn't going to last very long because there was not enough of the stuff to go around. Dale's brother couldn't believe his little brother would do anything that would cause Ma to blush. However, he still loved to hear that old music playing softly in the middle of the day while he cooked his dinner on the old smelly, nasty grill.
The grill had been stolen from the backporch on Monday because of the party they threw for a guy who had just got back from a long journey across the central part of Australia, while racing with a zebra and a unicorn with 3 blind baboons and one talking lime named kiwi. He couldn't believe that he was - a- coincedentally- klepto- maniac to whom everyone looked upon with a bit of a tainted idea about his sexual preference. However, when they checked, they could tell that he had been wrongly accussed and wrongly accused.
Dale knew he was screwed because too many people knew he had not been where he was supposed to go. Fearing that he had stepped over the big dotted line and realized that he really did break the big orange rule of never going to the bathroom without making sure that he had flushed as a precautionary just incase something smelly had arisen. He knew if he didn't hide his shiny pack of water pistol weapons lined with chrome and inlaid with wild blueberry flavored pieces of new ammunition, he would Fire while going late night fishing. Before, he got hung up in a local mess Involving a raccoon a drunken bear, three rather old bingo playing ladies that always said bingo during the course of a wonderful night shooting which always leads to people grabbing their neighbors sheep and going to the
house next door so they can watch the new parts of the program that everybody wanted to get faster than a speeding bullet.
Meanwhile, back in the psychiatric ward, things are starting to get out of hand. There is a crazy lady wearing sparkly sequins who made a habit of licking her eyebrows while she ran around and told people to slap her butt and rub her rotund belly, until she looked at her imaginary friend and said to him........."Hey, can you see them too, or am I just hearing noises that make me think that ghost are eating delicious bass while walking through dark, dusty corridors and screaming out HIGH HO SILVER?"